Improving Business Letter Format and Content

The assignment involves analyzing a given business letter for its format and content, identifying areas for improvement, and rewriting the letter in a clear and concise manner. The revised letter should follow the standard structure of a complaint letter, with a summary of the issue, background information, complaint details, and outcome. Additionally, the writing style should be formal and suitable for a business setting.

Running head: BUSINESS LETTER
Business Letter
Name of the Student
Name of the University
Author’s Note

1BUSINESS LETTER
Issues Identified
First identifiable issue found is the format of the date and address that has been written in the
upper left hand side of the letter. A complaint letter must follow a proper business letter
format, where name of the recipient, address should be in separate line. Moreover, name and
address of the writer is suppose to come before the details of the recipient. Furthermore, body
of the letter does not follow the structure of a complaint letter. The proposed body structure
of a complaint letter should have a summary of the letter at the first paragraph, followed by a
background of the issue mentioned, complaint details, and the outcome at the end. Outcome
refers to the actions reader is expected to take. However, this letter fails to follow the above
mentioned structure and all the parts of the letter are clubbed haphazardly. Moreover, the
writing style also fails to meet the standard of a formal letter.

2BUSINESS LETTER
Revised Letter
John Smith
9889 Pleasant Street
Dartmouth
Date: February 5, 2014
To
The Owner
8998 Robie Street
Halifax
Dear Sir/Madam,
On January 15th, I bought your Wondertron 9000, which is supposed to be the state-
of-art. However, I would like to express my disappointment on the same as it failed to serve
the purpose. The issue raised when I returned to your store located in 9870 Pleasant Street for
communicating the issue, where I received shockingly humiliating behavior from your
customer service executive. I am writing you this letter to seek proper solution for the issue
as your customer service failed in not only resolving the issue but also providing appropriate
service expected from a firm like yours in this competitive market.
I bought the product for $29.95 exclusive of taxes from your store located in 9870
Pleasant Street on January 15th and assembled it my self. However, I found your instruction
manual inappropriate and badly written. The product served its purpose for only twice as it
stopped working after that. Hence, I took it back to your store for filing complaint about the
product, where I had to face public embarrassment from your employees. I was informed that

3BUSINESS LETTER
return is possible on using your certified assemblers that costs about $5. Moreover, no
information was passed down to me about voiding warranty over the assembly fee.
I am sadly informing you that both your product and customer service is not
satisfactory and fails in serving the needs as your company claims. There is a clear sign of
absence of employee training in your company as I received ill treatment from your
employee. This harassment and public humiliation is not acceptable in any condition. The
executive in your store refused to cooperate and constantly humiliated me pointing out the
assembly issue, which was not communicated on the time of purchase. It falls under your
responsibility to communicate the information, which fails in transparency.
I demand a refund of $29.95 plus tax for your product on urgent priority basis.
Moreover, I also demand for the suspension of the customer service execute for the
misconduct and you public apology for the incident. I seek your cooperation and expect you
to honor my extremely reasonable demand for the harassment I had to encounter. I will be
forced to seek help from Better Business Bureau, the Department of Customer Affairs an the
fraud unit of local police on the failure of your cooperation in the matter.
I thank you in advance for your appropriate response.
Sincerely,
John Smith