Counseling Skills - Assignment

Running Head: COUNSELLING SKILLS
1
COUNSELLING SKILLS
Name
Class
Instructor
Institute affiliation
Date

COUNSELLING SKILLS
2
Introduction
The definition of counseling varies depending on the theoretical perspectives, the range
of the problems being solved, and the variation of counseling approaches that are used by
counseling professionals. As a way of trying to understand what counseling is, counseling is
defined as follows. According to Milne & Milne (2010) counseling is a process of intervention
and development by focusing on the client's goals whereby the counselor tries to impose a
change to the client. The role of the counselor, in this case, is to concentrate on the client’s needs
by giving him/her choices which will help change behavior and thoughts. Counseling can also
be defined as the use of professional skills and principles to establish a relationship with a client
in order to facilitate personal growth, optimal acceptance, and self-knowledge. Based on this
definition, the primary aim of counseling is to give a person an opportunity to live a successful
and a resourceful life despite the challenges that they may face in life. The other definition of
counseling is a service sought by those people who may be undergoing emotional distress and
confusion as a way of finding a solution to a problem in a way that is more professional and
confidential that friendship (Grafanaki, 2010). The above are some of the few definitions of
counseling and they all revolve around a client who is determined to get solutions for health,
emotional, career, and other personal problems.
Counseling skills
Recently, counselors are working with different individuals who possess diverse
problems and needs. Therefore, to be considered as a successful and effective counselor, there
are some skills and attitudes that one is needed to possess, some of which are learnt along the
way. A counselor has to make a client relaxed and at ease so that they can gain trust to pour out

COUNSELLING SKILLS
3
their problems without the fear of contradiction. Below are some of the skills that a trained
counselor should possess.
1) Active listening skills
Being a person who can listen to others as they talk without interrupting them is very
crucial when it comes to counseling. Although this may seem baseless and a no-brainer, being a
good listener is a very vital skill in counseling. Being a counselor, having the ability to actively
listen to what is being said, how it is being said, and why it is being said is the initial step of
developing a rapport with a client in order to gain their trust as pointed out by Rautalinko (2013).
Listening to a client and paying attention as they speak makes them feel that you are concern
about their feelings and as a result, they end up sharing their concerns freely.
Another important thing that a counselor needs to do is to listen between the lines in
order to speak for things that are not being said. Sometimes, a client may not share everything
but as a counselor, it is crucial to understand things that a client omitted during the session.
Often, clients go to clients with so many complicated issues hoping to get a space to share their
problems without feeling shame or guilt. Therefore, a counselor must listen without being
judgmental or jumping to conclusions. To develop a trusting and growing relationship with a
client, it is essential for a counselor to remain non-reactive in order to make accurate evaluation
and assessment according to Egbochuku (2010).
2) Questioning and Summarizing
An effective counselor is able to question and summarize most of the details of what the
client has said and reflect them back to the client within a short period of time. During a

COUNSELLING SKILLS
4
counseling section, a client has the freedom to share any information they feel necessary and
they end up saying so many things. As a counselor, it is crucial to capture the essence of what the
client is saying and rephrasing. This is best achieved by asking the clients questions to confirm
that what is captured is right. A counseling section is supposed to be interactive whereby the
counselor engages the client by asking questions between the sections and reaffirming the main
points summarized from the conversation. An effective counselor is also able to attend to verbal
and non-verbal communication from the client and pull together the key parts from the
communication and then respond accordingly without making any judgment (Young & Valach,
2016).
3) Empathetic responding
The ability to empathize with other people and show genuine concern towards them must
come from within. Instead of feeling sorry for the client, the counselor is able to receive and
support the client through the problem they are facing at that moment. Being a counselor is that
need to sit down with others throughout their best and worst moments (Milne & Milne, 2010).
The driving force behind counseling is that need to listen to other people stories however long or
difficult they may be. Empathizing involves entering the clients world through emotions,
thoughts, and feelings. As a counselor, empathy means being there offering solutions to people
ten, twenty years down the line without feeling tired or bored. Empathy helps clients heal first
because they feel that someone is concerned about their well-being (Culley & Bond, 2011).
4) Goal-setting
In a systematic study, Milne and Milne (2010) point out that one of the most effective
ways of motivating oneself and others is goal setting. An effective counselor sets goals that

COUNSELLING SKILLS
5
he/she must achieve within a given period of time. in counseling, this helps counselors to
work extra hard to see that they have achieved what they wanted with their client. People go
to counselors hoping to find solutions to their problems and thus, counselors have the duty of
doing everything possible to ensure that they offer a solution. Setting long term goals helps
counselors achieve more and it motivates them to work even harder. This can also be passed
to the clients who have difficulties in achieving success when they are faced with challenges
in life. A counselor can guide a client on how to set personal goals and how to achieve them
within the set time.
5) Self-disclosure
A good counselor is able to share personal experiences and views concerning a given
situation as a way of motivating a client (Milne & Milne, 2010). Self-disclosure is that ability to
look down within you and identify your needs and desires with those of your client. In layman’s
language, it means putting oneself into the shoes of the other person. Using this skill helps the
client overcome loneliness and anxiety because they know that they are not the only one who has
that problem. This ability makes a counselor think well and act well towards others. This skill is
also helpful in creating relationships based on mutual trust between the client and the counselor.
Through this way, the counselor is, therefore, able to act well, empathize, and relate well with
others (Odaci, Değerli & Bolat, 2017).
Generally, having the ability to use the above mentioned skills is what makes an effective and
successful counselor. Medical professionals, social workers, teachers, and policemen to mention
but a few can do counseling. Being a counselor means listening to people, talking to them and
offering solutions, we live in a troubled society where we want to have someone who can listen

COUNSELLING SKILLS
6
without judging. As counselor, the following are some of the ways that can help use the above
mentioned counseling skills effectively
Be genuine- counseling involves a lot of communication whereby the client is the one who does
most of the talking. The listening skill is very crucial because it means that the counselor is
supposed to listen to what the client is saying without interrupting. Sometimes the counselor may
not be able to understand some of the things that the client is saying. As an effective counselor it
is ok to check and ask for more information where he/she feels that there is a gap. This greatly
helps the counselor to avoid making mistakes when advising the client.
Avoid repetition- as earlier mentioned, questioning and summarizing is one of counseling skill
that is crucial in a counseling section. A counselor gives the client the freedom to do most of the
talking as he/she listens and asks questions where necessary. Through this a counseling section
becomes interactive and this helps the client build confidence. However, it is advisable as a
counselor to avoid repeating the words that have been said by the client. In other words, avoid
being a parrot. Use your own words when asking for clarification and when reflecting back to
what the client has said. This shows that the counselor is following in the conversion and is
interested to know more.
Act indifferently- showing empathy to clients makes them feel that someone really cares for
them. People go to counselors hoping to get a shoulder to lean on during their lowest moment. In
this case, a counselor is likely to hear shocking and unbelievable stories. It is necessary to avoid
using shocked disbelieving tone when reacting to a client’s story. Doing this shows that the
speaker is odd or unbelievable and this may ruin the whole counseling session. The most

COUNSELLING SKILLS
7
appropriate thing to do is to start by assuring the client that you understand their situation and
you are willing to help them overcome whatever that they are going through.
Be brief- the skill of active listening is what makes an effective and successful counselor. Being
able to listen and summarize as the client talks is crucial because it gives the client the assurance
that someone is ready to listen to them. It is human nature to want to be listened to without being
judged or interrupted. As a counselor therefore, it is advisable to be brief when asking questions
and reflecting back about what client have said. Avoid dominating the conversation but instead,
let the client do most of the talking without unnecessary interruptions. Additionally, when using
personal experience and stories to relate with the client’s situation, avoid talking too much and
just make it very brief. This gives the client enough time to share everything they have to say
without leaving anything out.
Although it is essential for a trained counselor to practice the above skills, sometimes it is
a bit challenging to apply these skills due to the inability of the clients to express themselves.
One of the challenges experienced during the mock session is that the clients had more problems
than she said during the session. From the way she took a lot of time to answer a question, it was
clear that she had a lot of things going through her mind. Counselors are not magicians who can
give solutions to all problems even those that they are not aware of (Culley & Bond, 2011).
Secondly, the client seemed delicate and emotional. This made it hard as a counselor to
understand how she would react since it was the first day. Sometimes, it becomes difficult for a
counselor to understand the body languages of their clients (Fernando, 2012). During the session,
the client would raise her hands and shake her head. It was difficult to clearly understand what
she intended to communicate with these body movements because it could mean a lot of things.
Another personal challenge of practicing counseling skills from the mock counseling session is

COUNSELLING SKILLS
8
the inability of the client to express themselves due to fear and anxiety (Young & Valach, 2016).
Generally speaking, counselors need to get the clients confidence and trust as the initial step of
finding a solution to their problems. It can be challenging as a counselor to practice, sympathy
and identify with their clients if they do not clearly understand what someone is going through.

COUNSELLING SKILLS
9
Appendix
Mock counseling session with a client student
The following is a reflection of a mock counseling session I carried and recorded out with a
student by the name Jane. This session utilizes the above mentioned skills that a trained
counselor should possess.
Me: (Smiling and extending my hand to her for greetings) Hi, my name is Alex, nice to meet
you.
Jane: (Smiling shyly) Hi to you. My name is Jane. Nice to meet you too
Me: I am glad you made it to come today. Please feel free to talk to me about anything because
today you have made a new friend. I would also like to remind you before we start our session
for today that everything we talk inside here remains confidential between the two of us so you
do not have to worry about anything
Jane: (feeling a bit relaxed) Thank you madam Alex.
Me: Today we will focus more on knowing more about each other since it is the first day of our
session. However, I have a feeling that we have a lot of things to share. May be you can start by
telling me more about yourself. Perhaps what you like doing most and what makes you happy?
Jane: (clearing her throat) Aaah my name is Jane, I am nineteen years old. Am the second born
in our family and am a third year student in college where am taking a course in social work.
During my free time, I like listening to music, and playing piano because these are some of the
things that make me happy.

COUNSELLING SKILLS
10
Me: So, that makes the two of us because playing piano is also my thing. Maybe Jane you can
start by explaining to me why you decided to visit me. If you do not mind please.
Jane: (putting down her bag on the table) Sure. Mmmh, for a long time now, I have been
struggling in my studies due to low-self-esteem. In many instances, I have felt inadequate when
am interacting with my colleagues at school because every time I feel that they do not take
anything I say seriously. Some of them laugh at me in class any time I try to give my answer in
class. This has greatly affected my performance in school and my parents are now so worried
about me. I have tried to explain to my mum what is happening to me but although she
encourages me to believe in myself, this feeling does not go away. (She pauses and looks at me
in a sympathetic way)
Me :( at this moment, I get a chance to talk to her because I did not want to interrupt) you see,
am glad you came to me, because I told you we have a lot of things in common. You are an
amazing lady Jane. Just look at you!! . I just like the way you smile and I know you are a great
person if only you believe in yourself girl.
Jane: (smiling broadly this time) but I have tried to do so several times and failed.
Me: I know how you are feeling at the moment but I can assure you by the end of this session
you will be a changed person. Do you believe that?
Jane: yes I believe
Me: Good. That’s the first step towards achieving your confidence. We are done for today so let
us meet next week for more talks. But you can visit me anytime because you are welcome to see
me as you want.

COUNSELLING SKILLS
11
Jane: thank you so much madam Alex. Am so glad to talk to you today. Good bye.

COUNSELLING SKILLS
12
References
Barker, M., Vossler, A., & Langdridge, D. (2010). Understanding counselling and
psychotherapy. London: SAGE.
Bilgin, M. (2016). Counsellor and counsellor students’ life and work values. International
Journal of Social Sciences and Education Research, 2(4), 1091-1113. doi:
10.24289/ijsser.278986
Culley, S., & Bond, T. (2011). Integrative counselling skills in action. London: SAGE.
Egbochuku, E. (2010). Counselling Communication Skills: Its Place In The Training Programme
Of A Counselling Psychologist. Edo Journal of Counselling, 1(1). doi: 10.4314/ejc.v1i1.52380
Fernando, S. (2012). Communication skills and counselling. Sri Lanka Journal of Obstetrics and
Gynaecology, 34(2), 69. doi: 10.4038/sljog.v34i2.4832
Grafanaki, S. (2010). ‘Counsellors in the making’: Research on counselling training and
formative experiences of trainee counsellors. Counselling and Psychotherapy Research, 10(2),
81-82. doi: 10.1080/14733141003751655
Lee, B. (2016). Language matters in counselling diversity. British Journal of Guidance &
Counselling, 45(5), 500-507. doi: 10.1080/03069885.2016.1265914
Milne, A., & Milne, A. (2010). Understand counselling. London: Teach Yourself.
O’Shaughnessy, T., Du, Y., & Davis, C. (2017). Reflections on the Power to Define
Psychotherapy Expertise. The Counseling Psychologist, 45(1), 90-98. doi:
10.1177/0011000016668414

COUNSELLING SKILLS
13
Odaci, H., Değerli, F., & Bolat, N. (2017). Emotional intelligence levels and counselling skills of
prospective psychological counsellors. British Journal of Guidance & Counselling, 45(5), 622-
631. doi: 10.1080/03069885.2017.1379596
Pieterse, A., Lee, M., Ritmeester, A., & Collins, N. (2013). Towards a model of self-awareness
development for counselling and psychotherapy training. Counselling Psychology Quarterly,
26(2), 190-207. doi: 10.1080/09515070.2013.793451
Rautalinko, E. (2013). Reflective listening and open-ended questions in counselling: Preferences
moderated by social skills and cognitive ability. Counselling and Psychotherapy Research, 13(1),
24-31. doi: 10.1080/14733145.2012.687387
The Use of Humor in Therapy. (2018). Retrieved from
https://www.pdresources.org/course/index/1/1229/The-Use-of-Humor-in-Therapy
What is counseling? (2018). Retrieved from
http://changingminds.org/disciplines/counseling/what_is.htm
Young, R., & Domene, J. (2012). Creating a research agenda in career counselling: the place of
action theory. British Journal of Guidance & Counselling, 40(1), 15-30. doi:
10.1080/03069885.2011.620603
Young, R., & Valach, L. (2016). Action and language: Contextual action theory in counselling.
Psychologie Française, 61(1), 31-42. doi: 10.1016/j.psfr.2013.03.001