Essay on 'Elderly Parents’ Care is Adult Children Responsibility'

As the title is written here, Elderly Parents’ Care is Adult Children's Responsibility, this still is a question regardless should an adult be responsible for their elderly parents? Am I responsible for my aging parents? The circle of life isn't just for cartoon lions and gazelles. We, humans, are just as much a part of it, our parents get older as well. As tough as it is to imagine, they may one day require our care, just as we once did and this is our ethical responsibility.

UNIVERSITY KUALA LUMPUR
ROYAL COLLEGE OF MEDICINE PERAK
CRITICAL THINKING AND DECISION MAKING IN NURSING
RNB 10602
BACHELOR IN NURSING SCIENCE (HONOURS)
WRITTEN ASSIGNMENT CBL (60%)
TITLE:
ELDERLY PARENTS’ CARE ARE ADULT CHILDREN
RESPONSIBILITY
PREPARED BY:
NAME: ZAIDATUL NATASYA BINTI ZABIDIN
STUDENT ID: 59218121025
DATE OF SUBMISSION: 8TH FEBUARY 2022
LECTURER: MADAM PATMANI RAMAIAH

Table of Contents
Introduction ................................................................................................................................ 3
a. Communication ............................................................................................................... 4
b. Analysis........................................................................................................................... 4
c. Problem Solving.............................................................................................................. 6
d. Evaluation ....................................................................................................................... 8
e. Synthesis ......................................................................................................................... 9
f. Reflection ...................................................................................................................... 10
Conclusion ............................................................................................................................... 11
References ................................................................................................................................ 11
Appendixes .............................................................................................................................. 12

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Elderly Parents’ Care are Adult Children Responsibility
Introduction
This is a case of elderly couple that have been married for 70 years and live together on
their own, Anna and her husband Ameer which aged 92 and 94 years old respectively. They
have two daughters, Raihan and Sofia who already build a family make time to visits them
monthly even though the nearest daughter lives only 20 miles away from their house. However,
their daughters call them regularly on the phone. Anna also has a caring neighbour named
Halimah who always visits her and her husband to check on Ameer condition because he has
end stage COPD and near to his end of life. Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD)
is a long-term lung condition that make it hard for Ameer to breathe. In general, air gets trapped
in his lungs and he could not breathe it out, so he feels short of breath. He currently using
oxygen at home and has support from a Community COPD nurse.
In addition, Anna has provided care for Ameer almost 8 years with Ameer’s condition
worsening day by day. Most morning Ameer awaken with soiled sheet due to the COPD affects
Ameer mobility, he unable to get to toilet in time at night which Anna will take care of. Above
all, Anna and Ameer find it difficult to talk about Ameer’s death because Anna love Ameer
more than her life. The proof is Anna still take a good care of Ameer even though she has mild
arthritis and stable angina. Mild arthritis is a joint pain that comes and goes, or joint discomfort
meanwhile, stable angina is characterised by chest pain or discomfort that is triggered by
physical activity or mental stress. Angina is caused by a lack of blood flow via the heart's blood
arteries.
There also mention that Anna is determined to be there for Ameer and does not like to
leave him with someone else. Nevertheless, she concerns that she might not be able to support
Ameer till the end due to her health condition. Anna also has some hearing problem and
difficulty to read small print because of her age. Yet she still has the power to take care of their
family financial plan, but she worried about how she will manage the family finance when
Ameer is gone.

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a. Communication
As the title written here, Elderly Parents’ Care are Adult Children Responsibility, this
still be a question regardless should adult be responsible for their elderly parents? Am I
responsible for my aging parents? The circle of life isn't just for cartoon lions and gazelles. We
humans are just as much a part of it, our parents get older as well. As tough as it is to imagine,
they may one day require our care, just as we once did. The idea of children becoming
responsible for their old parents' well-being is not new. It is suggested that when parents grow
older and find it more difficult to care for them financially and personally, their children assume
responsibility for them. Taking care of the elderly in family, on the other hand, is not easy. To
make them feel loved, encouraged, and supported, you'll need a lot of patience, good emotional
control, and a soothing choice of words. Elderly parents are a resource, not a burden. While it
should not be a strict duty for children to look after their parents, it should be encouraged.
b. Analysis
To begin with, Anna has two daughters, one of them named Raihan who is the nearest
daughter who lives 20 miles away from her house. Raihan visited her and Ameer twice a month
meanwhile Sofia, the other daughter visits them monthly. However, it seems to me that 20
miles away is not that far too frequently visit them. It takes only 20 to 30 minutes to reach the
destination. In this context, I understand that both daughters already have their own family and
does not have much time to visits their parents frequently but just look at the parents’ age.
People can now live for 10 to 20 years in poor health. Half of adults live to be 80 years old,
and only a third live to be 90 years old. Most of adults over the age of 80 that they are unable
to live alone with their energy. Despite that, Anna and Ameer could still manage things on their
own without their daughters’ help. Though, I believe the daughters should be more responsible
to take care of their parents instead of leaving them in care of their neighbour, Halimah who
visit them almost every day. Moreover, with Ameer condition is worsen due to COPD and near
to the end of his life. Imagine, 94 years old father with COPD that currently housebound that
still depends on using the oxygen at home live alone with his wife who is 92 years old. It does
not sound good for me. In my opinion, both daughters should discuss among them to take a
good care of their parents closely. For instance, both daughters could take turn to live at their
parents’ house since Anna and Ameer refuse to be at another place except for their house. As

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stated in there, both their parents want Ameer to die at home. Hence this shown that Anna and
Ameer do not want to leave their house.
Furthermore, Ameer distress when he soiled his bedding. This condition is more
commonly known as bed wetting. While nighttime bladder control loss is commonly linked
with young children, involuntary urinating could affect elderly for a variety of reasons. For
Ameer condition, COPD limits his mobility, preventing him from going to the bathroom at
night. Urinary incontinence is a messy and embarrassing condition. Incontinence is a condition
that many people find difficult to accept and manage. Most elderly try to ignore this new
development and go about their daily lives but burying their heads in the sand usually brings
greater attention to the situation. There are techniques to help Ameer deal with this problem,
but they involve patience, empathy, and a dedication to respecting Ameer’s dignity. Anna could
ask Ameer to wear a diaper but if he refuses, Anna could gently talk to him and explain the
situation. No adult should be treated like a baby, regardless of their level of physical or mental
handicap. Aging and age-related illnesses have already taken away much of his freedom and
dignity. Although our word choices and tone of voice may not appear to be significant,
communicating and delivering care in ways that make our loved ones feel dignified can make
all the difference when it comes to encouraging cooperation and improving self-esteem.
Moreover, Anna suffers from a variety of minor diseases, including moderate arthritis
and stable angina even though she generally has a good health. Any type of arthritis might start
out mild, but some varieties of arthritis are more likely to remain mild or worsen with time.
Osteoarthritis is a type of degenerative arthritis that gets worse over time as a result of age or
overuse of a joint. Nevertheless, lifestyle changes can help delay the progression of this kind
of arthritis and keep it at a manageable level. Beneficial lifestyle changes are includes
maintaining a healthy diet, controlling chronic diseases like diabetes and protecting her joints
during strenuous or repetitive activities. On the other hand, Anna’s stable angina could also be
treated with a combination of lifestyle changes, medication, and surgery. Anna already takes
tablet for medication purpose nonetheless because she could typically predict when discomfort
will strike, limiting physical activity can help her manage her chest pain. Besides, she could
consult her doctor about her routine and food to see how she might safely alter her lifestyle.
Surgery on the one hand could not be directed since Anna’s age already reach above 90. Then,
Anna also has some hearing impairment and has difficulty reading small text. Her daughters
are suggested to company her mother to go the nearest hearing aid centre and eye care centre
to get her mother hearing aid and a spectacle to reduce any inconvenience.

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In addition, Anna and Ameer find it difficult to talk with each other regarding Ameer
death. Ideally, a partner knows what to do and say, but many people struggle with exactly how
to respond including this elderly couple. This show that they have not ready to part ways. Anna
and Ameer need to try discussing this issue with the whole family or with the help of their
daughters. Both daughters could play significant roles to help their mother to be more realistic
regarding their father death soon with the current condition that may lead to the end of his life.
Nonetheless, word of choices should be main source of completing the issue.
Last but not least, Anna worried that she might not be able to support Ameer till the
end due to her current age and condition. She finds it difficult to look after the home and garden
and she feels quite alone with Ameer current’s condition. She also feels not confident on
managing the family finances. In my opinion, Anna should just ask her daughters to take care
of the financial issues. She should trust her daughter as I believe her daughter would not leave
her alone. Same goes to how she worried about how she will manage herself when Ameer is
gone. Everyone who lives will undoubtedly die. Hence Anna should just take it easy and accept
the fate. She will adapt with Ameer’s gone eventually because it all takes time. Both daughters
should advise her mother to not think to much about that because as I mention above. All
humans will die eventually.
c. Problem Solving
From my point of view, my initial proposal, that both daughters should take turns living
with their parents, is the greatest approach in this situation. For instance, Raihan and her family
might spend two weeks at her parents' house and the remaining two weeks, she could take turn
with Sofia and her family. Therefore, both their parents do not feel lonely in that house. The
most common difficulties among the elderly are isolation, loneliness, and boredom. Mobility
issues may exacerbate the problem. The fact that they cannot freely go out as often as they used
to do when they are at younger age, may exacerbate the loneliness they experience on a daily
basis. The worse is Anna has to witness the death of their partner. There are less opportunities
to meet new people and participate in social activities since Ameer has the end stage of COPD
and is nearing the end of his life which contributes to the fact that she prefers to stay at home
and take care of Ameer herself. Thus, the presence of her daughter family in the house adds to
the joy because there are her grandchildren and great grandchildren as well.

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Additionally, many adult children are busy with everyday schedules that taking time
off work to be with their aging parents is difficult. For adult children, caring for ageing parents
may be a key responsibility. Even if Anna’s daughters hire a caregiver to look for her and her
husband, there's still a chance that she would not be satisfied, excited, or having fun. Other than
keeping the house tidy, she may not have any social contact with the caregiver. These are some
of the issues both daughters should consider when thinking about their parents even if they are
the busiest person in the world. If both daughters could manage to live and take care with their
elderly parents despite having a ton of work at office or their own home, they are the sweetest
children and could be an example for others. Hence undoubtedly that adult children should just
take care of their parent instead of hiring a caregiver who are unknown to their parents when
there are a lot of scammers nowadays. Elderly parents should be safeguarded from these scams
if their children, make more time for them despite their busy schedules. Aging parents are
frequently left vulnerable, and their adult children must take measures to address this.
Lastly, when Ameer has gone, both daughters could take care of his mother. They both
could ask her mother to live with them at their house rather than living alone in her house after
her loves one gone. Raihan and Sofia should keep her mother closely and grieve with her,
nevertheless, they could try to distract her mother by go to local instead of taking their mother
to the city-based entertainment locations. Many communities have their own special events
that the elderly does not want to miss. Other than that, both daughters can take their elderly
mother to visit their workplace if possible. Even if their company accepts this type of
thankfulness, it's not something they should do on a regular basis. It's a terrific approach to
reassure ageing parents that they're still important in their busy life. On the bright side, Anna
could know in very detail what has her daughter been working for their life. At the same time,
Raihan and Sofia could encourage her mother to join these social events that she used to join
with her late husband. This can help reduce the worry of her mother’s well-being. It will also
provide her with the social connections she needs to think less about her current situation.

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d. Evaluation
On the contrary, taking care of their ageing parents can be difficult, even emotionally
exhausting. It could be more difficult to play the position of caregiver if they don't have
adequate time. Both daughters may need to make some difficult decisions regarding whether
or not their parents will stay with them, as well as whether or not to hire a professional
caregiver. Family dynamics might also shift, adding to daily stress. Meanwhile, on Anna's and
Ameer's sides, the loss of dignity is a significant component of the emotional challenges that
come with growing older. It can be quite difficult for children who become caregivers to keep
an eye on new situations while they are still emotionally adjusting. There is never enough time
to adapt to opposite roles, and it is not always simple.
Next, another big obstacle of taking care of their parents is dealing with their medical
and health issues. As we know that Ameer who already have chronic illnesses, his body
is weaken, and his medical and health conditions alter, the situation usually worsens, same goes
with Anna, their 92 years old mother. That is why both daughters must provide sufficient
assistance and attention to elders their parents. Also, both daughters frequently have to
compromise their own lives while caring for their parents and managing their modern lives.
They neglect their needs and well-being as a result, which has a negative impact on their health.
As a result, they experience persistent stress. Their parents’ safety is another challenge. It
covers falls, finances, and their security. Managing their financial and legal matters is an
additional problem of caring for the elderly, especially since Anna is the one who takes over
the financial plan after Ameer becomes ill. Thus, both daughters should discuss among
themselves on how to manage their parents’ financial to lessen their mother burden.
Finally, for the most part death brings out the worst in families. Raihan and Sofia must
deal with Sofia's mother's sadness after their father, Ameer, passes away. They must prepare
physically and mentally because they both also feel sad, grieving over their father's death and
have to persuade her mother that appears to be unable to cope with Ameer’s death. It might
feel like a further loss when generally amicable families struggle to accept the following death.
To illustrate, Anna attempting to find a way to deal with the death of her loved one but her
support system which is her daughters suddenly becomes not just unaccepting but also a cause
of additional stress. As a result, both daughters must be prepared for any eventuality that may
arise during her father's death.

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e. Synthesis
Because of the obstacles that may arise, caring for elderly parents can be overwhelming
at times. There are some ways to improve the above weaknesses to assist both daughters
to tackle such problems and care for their elderly parents while avoiding emotional and
financial strain. If they do not understand their older parents' demands and requirements, caring
for them can be challenging. To begin, assess their situation and consider what they can do to
meet their requirements while managing their own personal and professional responsibilities.
In other words, they could try to understand best their needs of daily activities and core tasks,
their health and medical needs and the emotional and financial support they need.
With all their other duties, it might be tough to be there for their elderly parents, no
matter how much they want to. So, before Raihan and Sofia make any assumptions about
their condition or capabilities, and before they make any further commitments, it would be
advisable to question themselves regarding some issues such as does their job allow you to be
there with them? Does their health allow them to take responsibility? What are the relationship
dynamics between them and their parents? Also, are they willing to learn the best ways of
taking care of your old parents? They could take time to think themselves but do not consume
much time because I believe Anna and Ameer need them more than anybody else do. In spite
of that, if both daughters find that questionnaire aren't working and care for their parents is still
going to be a challenge, they may want to seek for elder support services, which provide
qualified and professional caregivers to assist them in caring for their elderly parents. Because
most elders are unfamiliar with the concept of caregiving services and may object to having a
caregiver who is not related to them supporting them, they will need to persuade them of its
necessity.
The best solution to improve the shortcomings problem is bring her mother, Anna visits
Ameer's grave after he has passed away. Later, they may arrange a plan to visit Anna's house
once a month so that it does not appear to be deserted for an extended period of time, especially
since Anna may stay with their two daughters after Ameer's death. This could help Anna let go
of longing for her husband. Anna, on the other hand, must be as strong as she can in order to
assist her daughter in becoming strong. She must continue to eat healthily and follow her
usual schedule. She can pray for Ameer when she deeply misses him.

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f. Reflection
After completing this task there are something I can obtain from this consultation. I had
be able to obtain some knowledge and be able to share it with anyone who has same issue.
Also, because I learned from this assignment previously, I could do things differently and be
more advanced. This assignment provided me with a wealth of information that would aid me
in my future career as a nurse. This consultation process has taught me that children should
always be there for their old parents, especially when they reach the age of 90, which is rare.
In addition, I learn about several medical terms and diseases that Anna and Ameer
suffer from. For example, Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) which is a long-
term lung condition that makes breathing difficult. Emphysema. This occurs when the walls
inside your lungs' air sacs, alveoli are destroyed, causing them to join into one large air sac.
You get less oxygen in your blood since it can't absorb oxygen as well. Your lungs may expand
out and lose their springiness as a result of damaged alveoli. You are short of breath because
air becomes trapped in your lungs and you are unable to expel it. Next is mild arthritis, which
is the most common type of arthritis, osteoarthritis. It affects millions of individuals around the
world. When the protective cartilage that cushions the ends of the bones breaks down over
time, it causes this condition. Although osteoarthritis can affect any joint, it is most typically
seen in the hands, knees, hips, and spine. And lastly is stable angina which is a form of chest
pain caused by a reduction in blood flow to the heart. Your heart muscle isn't getting enough
oxygen if there isn't adequate blood flow. Physical exertion or emotional stress are common
causes of discomfort.
Because I had this assignment before, if I encounter this situation again in the future, I
will be better prepared to think of a solution. To begin with, if I were in Raihan's shoes, I would
not leave my parents alone at home, especially at their age of 90. It doesn't make sense to me
that a 90-year-old senior citizen can manage everything on their own, including finances.
Raihan's house was barely 20 miles from her parents' place. If it were up to me, I would pay
frequent visits to my parents, perhaps twice a week, to monitor their health. Fortunately, Anna
and Ameer have a great neighbour who visit them most of the days. However, I would be
ashamed if my parents' next-door neighbours paid more visits to my parents than I do. That's
why I advised Raihan and Sofia live with their parents, because I'd do the same thing if I were
in their situation.

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Conclusion
To summarize, serving elderly parents is a challenging task, but there are some things
one can take to make it easier for themselves. It's critical to be aware of your elderly parent's
changing interest or even their concerns. Because our parents gave birth to us, we should have
common sense as adults. As a result, we should be grateful and reply to their care since we
were infants. I hope this should not be an argument regarding responsibility of children taking
care of their elderly parents.
References
1) Osteoarthritis - Symptoms And Causes. (2021, June 16). Mayo Clinic.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/osteoarthritis/symptoms-causes/syc-
20351925.
2) What Is Emphysema, And What Causes It?. (2021, March 18). WebMD.
https://www.webmd.com/lung/copd/what-is-emphysema.
3) Stable Angina: Causes, Symptoms, And Treatment. (n.d.). Stable Angina: Causes,
Symptoms, and Treatment. https://www.healthline.com/health/stable-angina.
4) Mild Arthritis: Symptoms And Treatment. (2021, April 21). Verywell Health.
https://www.verywellhealth.com/mild-arthritis-
5112631#:~:text=In%20most%20cases%20of%20mild,t%20experiencing%20any%20ma
jor%20disabilities..
5) Is It the Children's Responsibility To Take Care Of Their Elder Parent? - AgingCare.com.
(2017, August 28). Is it the children's responsibility to take care of their elder parent? -
AgingCare.com. https://www.agingcare.com/questions/is-it-childrens-responsibility-to-
take-care-of-elder-parent-431052.htm.
6) Nast, C., & @. (2020, February 26). How To Support Your Partner Through Grief | GQ.
GQ. https://www.gq.com/story/how-to-support-your-partner-through-grief.

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Appendixes
1) Common Challenges Of Caring For Elderly Parents
• Dealing With Daily Activities
As parents grow, it becomes difficult for them to deal with daily activities. They
start facing difficulties even in activities of daily living and other instrumental
activities, such as managing transportation, finances, home maintenance, and meal
preparation
• Medical & Health Issues
Taking care of medical and health issues of the elderly is another major challenge
of caring for elderly parents. Elders who already have chronic disorders require
proper support and attention from the children.
• Safety Concerns
Elders safety is another challenge. Managing their financial and legal matters is yet
another challenge of caring for elders.
• Self-Care
While caring for parents and managing their modern life, children often have to
compromise with their own life. During this, they neglect their needs and well-
being, which affects their health.
• Managing The Changing Dynamics In Family
While caring for elders, children often face challenges with changing dynamics in
the family. It is quite often to experience challenges with siblings and other family
members while being a caregiver for your elderly parent.

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2) How to take care of old parents?
• Talk To Them
Elders get emotional with growing age, thereby sitting beside them stands
imperative. If this won’t happen, they develop the art of thinking and perceiving
everything in a negative manner.
• Accompany Them To The Doctor
Whenever elders go to the doctor, make sure to accompany them. It will be a matter
of comfort for them, and it will also assure them that they’re not alone.
• Prepare A Schedule For Them
You can prepare a schedule for the elderly, including their appointments or other
work so that they can be completed on time.
• Give Them Space
Taking care does not mean that you always ride on them. Let them spend time in
private too. Give them a private room so that they can spend their time with certain
people or friends. Help them when they need you.
• Hire a caregiver
Hiring a professional caregiver will give you comfort, as well as taking care of your
parents will become easier. The professionals don't only take care of their health
but also ensure the overall well-being of the elderly.