Addressing Infidelity in Marriage

This assignment delves into the complex issue of infidelity within marriages. Students are tasked with analyzing infidelity from both psychological and cultural viewpoints, examining its root causes and potential solutions. The prompt encourages self-reflection, drawing upon personal experiences and cultural backgrounds to understand this sensitive topic. It emphasizes the importance of self-discipline and moral commitment in navigating marital challenges.

Faculty of Business and Management
May 2020 Semester
SBFS1103
THINKING SKILLS AND PROBLEM SOLVING
TABLE OF CONTENTS pages
Mind map 3
1.0 INTRODUCTION 4

2.0 DEFINITION 4
2.1 troubleshooting 4
2.2 decision 4
3.0 STRATEGIES IN DECISION MAKING 5
3.1 identification of environment problem 5
3.2 data analysis 6
3.3 formation of alternative 6
3.4 selection of alternative 6
3.5 implementation of alternative 6
3.6 evaluation & feedback 7
4.0 DESCRIPTION AND POBLEM SOLVING 7
4.1 statistical approach 7
4.2 collection of information based choice answer 8
4.3 chart average selection problem solving and description options 9
5.0 JUSTIFY MAKING DECISION BASE SOLUTION 11
6.0 CONCLUTION 12
7.0 REFERENCES 13

PART 1
1.0 Introduction
My father-in-law has just passed away and my spouse wants her mother to move in with our
family. I know that my mother-in-law does not like me at all; she always finds my faults and
blames me for everything, even when my children fell down while playing. Not only that, she

always takes side of her daughter although it was obvious her fault, i will often quarrel with
my spouse, which may eventually lead to divorce. Sometimes, I felt that being married to
someone also means you're marrying each other's family. So, not only that you would have to
adjust yourself with your spouse, but you should also try to build a good relationship with his
parents at least. But what if you find yourself clashed with your in-laws. Hopefully, by drawing
the mind map and identify all the relevant problem, I'll find the solution to these domestic
problems and able to make peace with her.
2.0 Mind Map
3.0 Identification & Analysis of Problem (Mind map explanation)
In the mind map, I have highlighted these 9 main problems I found in my mother in law,
which are as follow:-
Problem #1: My in-law is too controlling

She constantly tell me what to do and what not to do.
Problem #2: My in-law is rude or unfriendly
Bad-mouthing me to other family members
Problem #3: My in-law is (still!) treating my spouse like a child
Implying that I am not taking better care of wife like she did
Problem #4: My in-law is too involved in my married life
She expect me to consult her first whenever we trying to make a career or housing decision
Problem #5: My in-laws judge and criticize my every move
She watching my every move and then judge or criticize it, especially because she feel like
I don't fit their expectation.
Problem #6: My in-law is clingy and overly attached to my spouse
She afraid of losing the attention of her daughter, so she become clingy, needy and
attached to her
Problem #7: My in-laws have no respect for my privacy
She love to come to my house unannounced, and touch on my personal belongings
Problem #8: My in-law is dramatic and too sensitive
She often talking exaggerated stories or constantly being offended by every little thing that
I do or say
Problem #9: My in-laws try to turn me and my spouse against each other
She often try to make me and my spouse turning against each other
4.0 Three Reasons why my mother in-law don’t like me

Firstly, I am not who she pictured her child end up with, A mom wants the best for her child
would grow up to be like. Just like many parents prioritize deeper traits, like a good family
background, financial stability when favouring a potential partner for their child. Secondly,
She feels as if she’s being replaced, Mother in law often feel threatened when their child
finds someone new to be their source of love, somemore my wife’s relationship is closer to
me. Third, She does not agree with my life decisions of working far away from home.
5.0 Application of the Six Stages in Problem Solving
5.1 Explore the problems
Problem #1: My in-law is too controlling
She constantly tell me what to do and what not to do.
Problem #2: My in-law is rude or unfriendly
Bad-mouthing me to other family members
Problem #3: My in-law is (still!) treating my spouse like a child
Implying that I am not taking better care of wife like she did
Problem #4: My in-law is too involved in my married life
She expect me to consult her first whenever we trying to make a career or housing decision
Problem #5: My in-laws judge and criticize my every move
She watching my every move and then judge or criticize it, especially because she feel like
I don't fit their expectation.
Problem #6: My in-law is clingy and overly attached to my spouse
She afraid of losing the attention of her daughter, so she become clingy, needy and
attached to her
Problem #7: My in-laws have no respect for my privacy

She love to come to my house unannounced, and touch on my personal belongings
Problem #8: My in-law is dramatic and too sensitive
She often talking exaggerated stories or constantly being offended by every little thing that
I do or say
Problem #9: My in-laws try to turn me and my spouse against each other
She often try to make me and my spouse turning against each other
5.2 Establish your goals
A good relationship between a husband and wife, and could heal my sour
relationship with my mother-in-law.
5.3 Generate Ideas
1. Talk it out with your mother-in-law.
2. Plan an activity for your spouse and their mother.
3. Have your spouse set the boundaries.
4. Dish it back to her.
5. Just let her do her thing.
6. Take off.
7. Don’t take anything she says or does personally.
8. Vent to her other sons-in-law.
9. Treat her with kindness.
5.4 Select my ideas
To avoid staying with my mother in-law, I have decided to rent a house nearby our home
(Sub-urban area) so that I and my mother in law can have some win-win situation, where she
can always come visit us and I still have some minimum privacy.
5.5 Implement your action plan
The action plan, I and my wife will persuade my mother in-law to stay at rented house must
be carefully plan. I will looking for a cosy, kampong style house that she preferred, I will do
some decoration and renovation there in hoping that she will like it there and willing to stay
longer there.

5.6 Evaluate and follow-up
I will do my part as a filial son in-law by visit her daily, sincerely concern about her needs
and try to arrange her life as a widow to be stay at the new place with peace of mind. If
sometimes mother in-laws are being insensitive to to challenge our privacy, I and my
spouse have to work together to build some sort of boundaries and strategy to break off
this habit. First, don't overshare my problems with them. They don't need to know that I
arguing with her daughter over small stuff. Second, create a safe space for I and my wife
to be alone, undisturbed. It could be asking the in-laws to call before coming to your house
or simply a lock on the door or drawers to keep my private stuff out of her reach. Lastly,
respect her privacy in return. Set an example by not butting in when they're having an
argument with other family members or express my hesitation to look at their phones or
private documents, even when they're asking me to do it.
6.0 Conclusion
Your parents have to love you; it's in the contract. But your in-laws don't. Accept the fact
that your in-laws aren't your parents and won't follow the same rules. Try to think
"different" — not "better" or "worse." To make this work, give in on small points and
negotiate the key issues. Learn to see the situation from your in-law's point of view. And
even if you don't agree, act like a big person. Think about your spouse or your child. You’re
in a relationship with this difficult in-law because of someone you love. What’s best for that
person? Do you need to try to break the tension? Change the subject? Avoid difficult
situations? Endure excruciating boredom? Sometimes you can behave nicely for someone
else’s happiness. Do focus on the positive. Find ways to be grateful for your in-laws. At the
very least, your in-laws are the parents of your spouse, or the beloved of your child. Look for
the good. At the end of the day, just as you accept your wife for all of her flaws and
qualities, we should also admit that her parents are probably not going to change. The
important thing is we have tried to make things better, find the solutions, mend the
relationship, and improve ourself. If all else fails, look at the fact that this is the way things
are and move on. A relationship between a husband and wife should be strong, and a
husband who is trying to love her should demonstrate this by not putting anyone before
her. As a wife, you should never be replacing anyone. Know your role and keep your needs
out of it. Your mother-in-law can only control your relationship if you aren’t paying

attention. Learn never to replace each other or bring others in to take sides, such as
letting your mother-in-law know your business. You never know when you will need
the other person, the less they know about your business the better things will be be- tween
you two. It may take time for you to heal your relationship with your mother- in-law and
that’s okay. Don’t rush yourself or the other person, some things take
time. Focus more on your family and less on the mess of not having your mother- in-law
around for the holidays; you always have next year. When spending time with your husband,
keep your mother-in-law out of the conversation. The time that you spend with your spouse is
priceless, so don’t blow it worrying over what any- one else thinks about you. Take each day
as a moment for you to know yourself, and build a stronger bond between you and your
spouse. Your mother-in-law can’t break what’s unbreakable!
(1596 Words)
Reference
1. (2019). Retrieved 12 November 2019, from
https://www.wtamu.edu/academic/anns/mps/math/mathlab/int_algebra/int_alg_tut8_p
robsol.htm
2. Fischer, L. R. (1983). Mothers and mothers-in-law. Journal of Marriage and the Family,
45, 187-192.

Part 2
Infidelity
1.0 Introduction
Infidelity, the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner.
According to Weeks, Gambescia, and Jenkins (2003), infidelity is defined as “a violation of a
couple’s assumed or stated contract regarding emotional/sexual exclusivity”. Infidelity has
also been defined as a sexual or emotional interaction that occurs outside of the romantic
relationship, which puts into jeopardy the emotional intimacy of that relationship (Milewski-
Hertlein, Ray, Wetchler, & Kilmer, 2003). Similarly, Pittman (1989) defined infidelity as “a

breach of trust, a betrayal of a relationship, a breaking of an agreement” (p. 20). Lusterman
(1998) posited that “infidelity occurs when one partner in a relationship continues to believe
that the agreement to be faithful is still in force, while the other partner is secretly violating
it” (p. 3). However infidelity is defined, it is important to note that it may involve behaviours
in addition to, or even separate from, a sexual act.
In Malaysia, it was reported in 2015, that infidelity was the second most common cause for
divorce (20.2%, after incompatibility at 35.5%), according to the Fifth Malaysian Population
and Family Survey conducted by the National Population and Family Development Board.
Furthermore, According to the Ex-Deputy Women, Family and Community Development
Minister Hannah Yeoh say more than 1 in 5 divorces involving marriages under 5 years were
due to the husbands' infidelity. – The Malaysian Insight file pic, November 13, 2018.
Infidelity is perhaps the most complex issue faced by spouses in the marital relationship.
Usually, when the discovery of an affair is done, it can be very annoying for the person on the
receiving end of the case. Obviously, the blame on oneself is the primary response after the
information and facts are understood and then the person must be willing to understand that
he/ she has failed to respect the other person to take this step. This results in a lot of pain,
confusion and emotional problems for people that are involved in such a relation. This can
affect the person and make him very depressed and even become suicidal. A person may lose
confidence in future relationships and also the ability to have faith in people because of the
enormous injustice caused by infidelity. Maybe this can lead to a process of divorce and
custody battles cruel and endless tension. Brown (1999) found that the discovery of spousal
infidelity is always being distressing for both concerned spouses. Usually, the sudden
encounter of infidelity makes them unable to behave normally.
2.0 Problem Solution arrives at a decision- INFIDELITY PREVENTION
Infidelity obviously can cause severe problem to family and our society. Regardless of
whether an individual had already commit infidelity or not, INFIDELITY PREVENTION is
considered the best solution that arrives at a decision. Infidelity can be prevented and should
be! Here's how to prevent infidelity. For some individuals, willpower alone is sufficient to
resist naturally occurring impulses to step outside the bounds of fidelity — the commitment
of exclusivity you made with your partner when you chose to be a couple. What is needed is
a good strategy on how to prevent infidelity. Your willpower needs practical tools! There are

many reasons why a person becomes a cheating partner. The best we can say is that
philanderers are human, and humans sometimes act against their own best interests. Rather
than focusing on why a person would betray his or her partner, it is better to focus on how
infidelity can be prevented. How the brakes can be applied, and infidelity prevented before
lives are destroyed. The following are five strategies that prevent infidelity.
1. Avoid being alone with someone of the opposite sex.
Secluding yourself with someone you are sexually attracted to, other than your legitimate
partner, is dangerous. For example, don't visit a work colleague in his or her hotel room.
Read the Loyal Spouse's Guide to avoid romantic entanglements and prevent adultery.
2. Don't drink alcoholic beverages with someone of the opposite sex.
Alcohol reduces inhibition. We all know this. A person who is intoxicated will often do
things that are completely out of character. Don't get drunk and thereby remove the natural
inhibitions that would prevent infidelity. Many illicit relationships begin when alcoholic
beverages are being consumed.
3. Strengthen your relationship.
A strong marriage or committed relationship is preventative medicine. It will not guarantee
that you will not have an affair, but it certainly will greatly reduce the likelihood. When you
have a good relationship, you know that by committing infidelity you have a lot to lose and as
well, you care more about your partner and betraying them will be unthinkable. We should
treat our spouse by these eight rules as follow:-
-Be Kind
-Be Without Anger
-Be Exclusive
-Be Accepting
-Honour Your Spouse
-Be Private
-Be Loyal
-Live With Love
Each one of these rules builds your relationship with your partner and reduces the likelihood
of relationship betrayal.
4. Consider the impact of infidelity before you start an affair.

The lies of cheating partner tell themselves are many. In their delusion, they think they will
not have to pay the price for their philandering. Not true. Most cheaters are discovered. Even
when they’re not, they have to live with the demoralizing self-awareness that they’ve
betrayed their life partner. Inevitably, that knowledge alone damages the relationship. As
well, instead of investing their time and affections enriching their primary relationship, a
cheating wife, a cheating husband, or a cheating partner allocates his or her energies
elsewhere and neglects his or her legitimate and primary family. As for infidelity being a
harmless activity, nothing could be further from the truth.
5. Stick to your moral code
Whether it’s a humanistic moral code or a religious code, wanting to do the right thing not
only in the eyes of your family but in keeping with the rules of a greater universal force is a
powerful aid against infidelity. One should work daily – literally, to strengthen your marriage
or committed relationship and never take for granted the priceless gift of a life partner. Even
after the affair is over, surviving infidelity is a major challenge for the whole family.
Recovering from infidelity is never a certainty. If you have a bad relationship, get help from a
trained therapist who specializes in infidelity to help you fix or if you can think of no other
solution, get a divorce. After a divorce, you can begin a relationship with whomever you
want. Infidelity is not good for marriage — It never been and never will be. Every marriage
touched by infidelity is destroyed. After the affair is over, can the relationship recover?
Perhaps yes, perhaps no. Most often the assistance of a relationship professional who
specializes in infidelity is required to help you survive infidelity.
Conclusion
Few marital problems cause as much heartache and devastation as infidelity, which
undermines the foundation of marriage itself. However, when both spouses are committed to
authentic healing, most marriages survive and many marriages become stronger with deeper
levels of intimacy. Preventing infidelity or adultery can be a concern in monogamous
relationships. Often, individuals use negative, controlling, or emotionally-manipulative
tactics to keep their lover faithful. Unfortunately, those behaviours are often not effective and
may be counterproductive. Rather, keeping a partner faithful is best accomplished by
increasing their motivation and desire to stay with you. Show them that you love and care for
them. Improve your appearance to keep their attention. Reward them and attend to their need
for romance and sex. These tactics will help keep them from wandering and make your
relationship more satisfying and positive too.

Self-Reflection
This Assignment is require student to write about marriage issue, hence the topic I decided to
write about is infidelity in marriages. I thought this would be a good topic because infidelity
has psychology and culture intersect together. Infidelity is attributed to psychology because this
is something from each person, it only depends on each one to decide whether cheat or not.
Thankfully, as I deepen my research on this topic, I gain a lot of knowledge about Infidelity,
the current world trend and the human instinct. I am grown up in the Chinese traditional family,
my parents practice monogamy marriage. My grown up experience and the knowledge I gain
in this research had made me realise how important the self-discipline is, I am a marriage with
one kid, I would recommend to everyone regardless of religion or race to be as follow:
1) Keep yourself busy with positive things like family chores and upgrading yourself with
schedule
2) Be religious and committed to moral code.
Let me share the old Chinese proverb: “Filial piety is the foundation of all virtues，Lewdness
is the worst of all sins.” Infidelity is the source of all sins, truly, After all, to solve the
problem of infidelity is always yours, cause nobody can help you but you, yourself.
(1264 Words)

Reference
1) Brown, E. M. (1999). Affairs: A guide to working through the repercussions of infidelity.
San
Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
2) Umberson, D., Williams, K., Powers, D. A., Chen, M. D., & Campbell, A. M. (2005).
As good as it gets? A life-course perspective on marital quality. Social Forces
3) Linda Berg-Cross. Sage Publications, 1997 - Family & Relationships - 333 pages.
4) Weeks, G., Gambescia, N., & Jenkins, R. (2003). Treating infidelity. New York: Norton.
5) Milewski-Hertlein, K., Ray, R., Wetchler, J., & Kilmer, J. (2002). The role of
differentiation
in extradyadic relationships. Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, 2, 33-50.
6) Pittman, F. (1989). Private lies: Infidelity and the betrayal of intimacy. New York: W. W.
Norton Co.
7) Lusterman, D. D. (1998). Infidelity: A survival guide. California: New Harbinger
Publications.
Part 3-
Video presentation link-

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1-QeuJUQEojHoX0HdgHAjYt3sPTbZU6mz/view