Understanding the Importance of SOLER Rules in Pastoral Care

This article discusses the SOLER rules in pastoral care, explaining their importance in creating a positive counseling environment. It explores how these nonverbal communication techniques can impact the counselee psychologically and theologically. The article also provides examples of different counseling responses and tasks of mourning, along with factors that contribute to complicated grief. Additionally, it addresses the assessment and intervention strategies for individuals with suicidal thoughts in a pastoral conversation.

Running head: PASTORAL CARE
PASTORAL CARE
Name of the Student
Name of the University
Author Note

Running head: PASTORAL CARE
Response to question No. 2
Gerard Egan states that pastoral caregivers need to be aware that their nonverbal behavior and
the many messages they communicate through it can influence for better or worse-it can invite
counselees to trust you, open up, and explore the significant dimensions of their problems, or it
can promote their distrust and lead to reluctance to reveal themselves to you. With this
understanding, a) explain the SOLER rules and how they are important to the counseling
situation psychologically and b) what they may convey to the counselee theologically.
The SOLER rules are the part of the nonverbal communications that have been stated by
Gerard Egan and has mentioned the importance of these rules in pastoral care for the counselee.
In order to understand the SOLER Rules we need to understand the traits or physical attitude or
expression that are instrumental in creating an impression that can pave the way for a better
session with the counselee.
SOLER is in fact the abbreviation of the five non verbal activities which include;
Squarely facing, of the patient refers to a steady approach while facing a counselee for the first
time and reflects the interest of the pastor in the counselee and helps the counselee in gaining the
initial confidence to open up1.
O represents adopting an open posture which reflects the openness or acceptance of the
counselor or the by expressing and open gesture2. This reflects the pastor’s submission to the
counselee allowing him to fully trust the pastor3.
1 Listening Skills. Slide no. 3
2 Listening Skills. Slide no. 3
3 Listening Skills. Slide no. 4

Running head: PASTORAL CARE
L Represents the act of leaning. Leaning forward is represented by the openness on behalf of the
counselor4. Different forms of leaning can attach necessary weightage and reflect the amount of
interest that people that had been built in one such occasion.
E refers to the maintenance of eye contact with the counselee and reflects a straight way to
connect to the counselee.
R refers to the relaxed attitude and relaxed body language that should be reflected while taking a
session with the counselee. Relaxed body language gives a feeling of safety and relaxation in the
minds of the counselee thus making them more relaxed and allows opening up of depressed in a
relaxed way.
These gestures would reflect the power of the physical body as a source of communication. And
theologically, the expression of the body language has great resemblance to the spiritual self and
reflects the importance of these gestures in influencing the mindset of the counselee.
4 Listening Skills. Slide no. 3

Running head: PASTORAL CARE
Response to Question no. 3
Howard Clinebell, drawing upon the work of psychologist Elias H. Porter, identifies the different
types of counseling responses (E, I, S, P, U, A, EM, C) that can be useful in different pastoral
counseling situations. Demonstrate your knowledge of these listening responses by giving an
example for each reflective listening response- E, I, S, P, U, A, EM, C—in correspondence to the
following counseling scenario:
Margaret and Bill Grant are both members of your congregation. In their late sixties, the Grants had been suffering
gallantly, but with increasing difficulty, from a drastic altered life since Bill suffered a devastating stroke several
years ago. Virtually speechless, nearly unable to see, and unable to get around without physical support, Bill, once
physically active and creative, had been restricted to spending time in bed and in his hammock on the porch, needed
assistance with the most elementary bodily functions, and suffered profound depression. Margaret meanwhile has
seen her life, once highlighted by a job she enjoyed, tending her garden, vigorous daily walks and weekly tennis,
together with frequent trips and outings with her husband, reduced to twenty-four hour nursing care, punctuated by
occasional, frantically difficult trips to hospitals and medical clinics and the frustration of trying to keep up with
health insurance forms and doctor bills. Margaret comes to you, her pastor, to share her feelings about caring for
her husband.
As mentioned by Porter, the different approaches that facilitate more constructive
counseling relates to the eight different reflective listening responses and based on these a
evaluation of the given scenario can be made in the following manner. The responses are
abbreviated in the form of E, I, S, P, U, A, EM, C and refer several cognitive aspects of a
counselor5. The responses are discussed as follows:
E represents Evaluative Response6 whereby the counselor makes a judgment that relates to the
counselee’s feeling or behaviour with respect to relative goodness, appropriateness, effectiveness
5 Listening Skills PPT Slide no. 21
6 Listening Skills PPT Slide no.22

Running head: PASTORAL CARE
or rightness of the client. In the above scenario, I will look how to evaluate Margaret’s feeling
with respect to her present situation.
‘I’ represents Interpretive7 which refers to the intent of the counselor interpret or teach the
counselee about her situation or impart a teaching by reflecting on her situation. In this case the
same will be done to Margaret to interpret her situation from different perspectives.
S stands for Supportiveness8 which is important to provide. Here I will provide supportive
assistance to Margaret, to reduce her anxiety and stress and reassure her about her struggle by
reducing the intensity of her feelings.
P refers to Probing9 which is mostly used to seek more information and which I will definitely
apply on Margaret to seek any further information by provoking further discussion.
U refers to Understanding10 is an important part of the listening response and I will try to
communicate with Margaret by making her understanding that she has not just been heard but
also understood.
A stands for Advising11, one of the important steps in pastoral care. After listening to Margaret’s
case I will recommend few advices that will bring in relief to Margaret’s ailing mind.
C stands for Clarifying12, which refers to the doubts of the counselee. By clarifying the doubts, I
will try to help Margaret make connections to her distant thoughts and feelings.
7 Listening Skills PPT Slide no.22
8 Listening Skills PPT Slide no. 22
9 Listening Skills PPT Slide no. 22
10 Listening Skills PPT Slide no. 23
11 Listening Skills PPT Slide no. 23
12 Listening Skills PPT Slide no. 23

Running head: PASTORAL CARE
EM is the last but not the least factor in listening response and yields the maximum result by
empowering13 the counselee with her own capacities. I will empower Margaret by helping her
recognize her own sense of agency.
Response to Question No. 6
Grief is a normal response to any significant loss. According to J. William Worden, mourning is
the adaptation to that loss and involves four basic tasks. Name the four tasks of mourning and
explain what is involved in each task. Finally, identify at least two factors which might
contribute to complicated grief.
The Four tasks of mourning as referred by J. William Worden are ‘Acceptance’,
‘Experience’, ‘Adjustment’ and ‘Withdrawal’ which should be done accordingly to relive Grief.
As Worden states that mourning is the natural adaptation to grief and should be allowed to cope
with the grief. Brief overviews of the tasks are mentioned as follows:
Acceptance:
The acceptance refers to the first task of mourning which implies the first step of
accepting the fact of loss of the bereaved. The accepting of the fact of loss will allow the
bereaved to be in reality and understand the reality of loss. Accepting the fact that loss is evident
and a natural phenomenon will pave the way to initiate mourning and therefore allow the
bereaved to understand the reality of loss14.
Experience:
William Worden also lays emphasis in the task of experiencing the pain as a part of
mourning. According to him the experiencing of the pain will allow the bereaved to act through
13 Listening Skills PPT Slide no. 23
14 Grief, Transition and Loss_PPT. Slide no. 12

Running head: PASTORAL CARE
the experience of grief and help the individual to cope with the loss. If the pain is not
experienced, the mourning, may get elongated and addressal might be required for a longer
period of time15.
Adjustment:
Adjustment to the grief is the third step in the process of Mourning. As Worden puts it by
stating that adjustment is the process of developing skills to sustain without the loss, and learn
ways to cope without the presence of the loved one or without the loss of the loved ones.
Adjustment is the first step towards the rehabilitation of the grief that has been experienced by
the bereaved and any negative response to adjustment might make the survival difficult for the
person or the bereaved16.
Withdrawal:
Withdrawal refers to the re attachment of similar emotions to some other individual by
withdrawing the emotional energy that was attached to the deceased person. The importance of
Task four or with Withdrawal lies in the re-immersion of life. As Sigmund Freud refers that the
goal of mourning is to detach the emotional attachment of the deceased or the loss from the
minds of the bereaved and pave way for the returning back to the normal life17.
The notion of complicated grief arises when there is an abnormal response to mourning
or a negative response to the tasks of mourning is being practiced. Two of the many factors that
can lead to a complicated grief can be attributed to ‘Relational factors’ and ‘Circumstantial
factors’. These factors might help in the development of complicated grief in an individual18. The
15 Grief, Transition and Loss_PPT. Slide 16
16 Grief, Transition and Loss_PPT. Slide 19
17 Grief, Transition and Loss_PPT. Slide 21
18 Grief, Transition and Loss_PPT. Slide 46 and 48

Running head: PASTORAL CARE
relational factors are those that dependent on the type of relation the deceased and the bereaved
shared and any ambivalent relationship between the lead to complicated grief. On the contrary
too much dependence or attachment with the deceased or the loss can also lead to generation of
complicated grief. The next factor that gives rise to complicated grief is the role played by the
circumstances and where the loss is due to an accident or an unavoidable circumstance. This
might also lead to generation of complicated grief.
Response to Question no.7
Women, men, teenagers, senior citizens, and even children are dying by their own hands at an
alarming rate. People commit suicide because their lives have become unbearable. It is not so
much that they truly want to die as it is a desperate attempt to escape the pain of living. Drawing
upon Stone’s text, Depression and Hope, how would you assess someone who in the context of
your pastoral conversation leads you to suspect they have suicidal thoughts? Would you or
would you not bring up this subject? And what would be the full range of your intervention?
As stated by Howard Stone in his book that every person who is depressed is at risk for
suicide confirms the possibility and risk imminent risk of suicide of a depressed person and
therefore attains the highest priority to attend to any depressed individual with adequate care and
proper means of counseling. Any person who would show signs of suicidal tendency should be
assessed based on certain traits that they reveal about their tendencies and behaviour and
inference is to be made whether they are suicidal in nature or not. The several factors that
contribute suicidal behaviour are to be analysed and correlated with the patient. Any
conversation or cognitive behaviour that gives sign of suicidal tendencies will allow me to
understand the risk of the patient. Any history of personal crisis that the patient has experienced
recently will also add to the chances of being diagnosed with suicidal tendencies. As Stone

Running head: PASTORAL CARE
mentions nine criterions to assess the suicidal tendency of an individual, the same will be
followed to understand the nature of the patient. These attributes include any suicidal talk or plan
that the patient mentions of while in conversation or sessions. Any slightest note of suicidal talks
has to be taken care of with serious attention and not ignored in any way. The Age and sex of the
individual has to be taken in to consideration since the rate of suicides differs from age to age.
Any religious involvement has to be seen to understand the religious attachment that the
individual has and the way it might influence the individual. Any symptoms of suicidal
tendencies must be looked in to understand the differences. Symptoms of depression, agitation
and psychosis and self alienation must be looked into to find any probable chances of suicides.
Any signs of reduced social communication and lifestyle might give probable insights into the
suicidal tendencies of a person19.
I would definitely bring up this subject with the patient or the individual under my care
and ask him directly about his thoughts regarding ending his life in his or her life. The direct
confrontation with the individual will not aggravate or encourage the person to take his or her
life rather will initiate more rethinking into the concept and prevent such fatal decisions20.
On understanding the vulnerability of an individual I would take the opportunity to
intervene with appropriate steps by informing the close resources of the persons and in case of an
emergency I would dial 911 to provide immediate assistance to an individual. In situations where
the risk is evident or the counselee has called up in an odd hour, I would initiate conversation to
reduce the chance of the attempt along with would ensure that the counselee had woke up any of
his or her resources to stay by side for the rest of the period before a session can be taken. Once a
session is initiated after such an incident, the first thing I would do is to sign a suicide contract
19 Stone, H.W., 1998. Depression and hope: New insights for pastoral counseling. Fortress Press.
20 Stone, H.W., 1998. Depression and hope: New insights for pastoral counseling. Fortress Press

Running head: PASTORAL CARE
with my counselee and ensure that he or she would follow the guidelines as agreed in the
contract. If the scenario is of a late night call, I would converse the contract over phone and
would request a clear verbal statement which would include repeating the contact numbers of the
local crisis hotline and the local pastor. I would also confirm the time and place of the session
that has to be conducted the following day21.
Response to Question no. 8
A parishioner comes to you for a pastoral consultation. He is struggling with low feeling moods
that he tells you he can’t seem to shake. It has disrupted his normal sleep pattern. He has been
feeling this way for over a month since he lost his job. Since this time he has stopped going to
the gym, something that he enjoyed immensely. He is also having difficulty sleeping and had lost
twenty-five pounds. And he states that his thoughts are fleeting and he finds it hard to make
decisions. Because he cannot provide for his family, he now struggles with feelings of
worthlessness. How would you assess him for depression? What are the nine diagnostic criteria
you would use? How would you determine that he is either sub clinically or clinically depressed
and what intervention would you make based upon your determination?
In order to assess the state of depression for the parishioner, I would look into various
cognitive and behavioural traits of the individual and will assess him according to criteria’s laid
down by Stone. As per the given scenario, the parishioner has already certain symptoms of
depression and a proper analysis has to be made to understand his level of depression. As the
symptoms of depression vary greatly from person to person, certain criteria are laid down to
assess the depression of a patient.
The nine diagnostic criteria that are laid down by the psychiatric diagnosis are refereed as below:
21 Stone, H.W., 1998. Depression and hope: New insights for pastoral counseling. Fortress Press

Running head: PASTORAL CARE
 Depressed Mood along with sadness, mood swing and irritability occurring almost every
day.
 Reduction in pleasure and interest in daily day to day activities.
 Notable weight loss or gain, followed with change in appetite.
 Change in sleeping patterns mostly with early wake ups.
 Remarkable change in physical activity mostly attributed to slowing down of activities.
 Experiences of fatigue and loss of energy.
 Difficulty in concentrating in daily activities.
 Feeling of self guilt and loss of dignity.
 Getting suicidal thoughts and ideas of self harming or killing.
Looking at the case of the parishioner, it is clear that he is having symptoms of depression.
The parishioner has stopped going to his gym, which indicates that he has a reduced interest
in daily activities. He has also lost weight of around 25 founds reflects matches one of the
criteria of depression. He has also been experiencing considerable loss of sleep and such
instances are signs of probable depression. Thus it can be assumed from the condition of the
parishioner that he is experiencing moderate depression and would require immediate
attention to resolve his situation. 22 Being moderately depressed, the Parishioner will require
adequate time and continuous counseling to bring him back to his normal state.
Response to Question no. 9
Discuss how Margaret Mahler’s work might be useful when counseling a woman who seemingly
appears to be torn speaking her truth and keeping her family together? How might Mahler’s
work inform your understanding of this woman’s experience?
22 Stone, H.W., 1998. Depression and hope: New insights for pastoral counseling. Fortress Press

Running head: PASTORAL CARE
According to the developmental work of Margaret Mahler, separation and attachment are
two psychological achievements and an individual connects himself or herself with the primary
care giver at a personal level of relationship. The consistency in this relationship establishes the
personality of the individual23. According to Margaret Mahler, women tend to work from a
perspective of caring and concerned involvement24. The conflict between speaking her truth and
keeping her family together is one of the conflicts the women tend to experience with their years
of growing and with the association and detachment with the female gender builds the construct
for a female individual as stated by Mahler.
Response to Question no. 10
Carolyn Bohler speaks of “female friendly pastoral care” as being a kind of pastoral
intervention that recognizes the cultural assumptions and biases against women in a patriarchal
society. Name the ten counseling strategies that one would employ to help empower women in
the counseling sessions and give a brief explanation for their rationale.
The ten counseling strategies that Carolyn Bohler discuses while explaining female friendly
pastoral care can be briefed as follows:
1. Listening to the female counselee.
2. Expecting Inner Conflict that includes care for self and care for others.
3. Expecting resiliency, accompanied with despair, relief and pain.
4. As a Pastoral care giver one must understand to balance personal responsibility of the
women with the influences of systems in their lives25.
23 Counseling with Women Slide no. 42
24 Counseling with Women Slide no. 56
25 Counseling with Women Slide no. 72

Running head: PASTORAL CARE
5. Taking account of every minute detail that might provide any important information.
about her.
6. Observation and expansion of divine images to create a sense of attachment with the
female26.
7. Evoke or reinvent the authoritative nature of females to make them believe in their
capacity.
8. Having sessions with and without family members should be taken into consideration.
9. Using visual imagery and intentional metaphors in counseling to reflect cognitive
responses and thoughts of the female.
10. The Pastor must take intense care to not blame the female or neither should he protect the
male27.
Response to question no. 13 b
Family systems theory has made a wonderful contribution to our understanding of family
dynamics. Discuss and explain the five basic concepts of family systems theory and say how
each might prove useful in providing an understanding in your ministry of pastoral care and
counseling to families.
According to the family systems theory, the five basic concepts on which the family
systems theory is based relate to the following five components and can be briefed as thus:
The Identification of the patient, where by the other members of the family identify the
member who requires treatment and the family systems theory identifies those sick people and
has been referred to the pathology in the family and suggests adequate treatment of the same28.
26 Counseling with Women Slide no. 75
27 Counseling with Women Slide no. 86
28 Family counseling and Family systems theory Slide no. 38

Running head: PASTORAL CARE
The second concept in Family Systems Theory is the concept of Homeostasis, which
refers to the acting out behaviour of a child of the family and adds to maintaining stability of a
family29.
The Third concept is the differentiation of the self which refers to the ability of a family member
to create a distinct identity of his or her own and promotes the individual’s ability to make30.
The fourth concept is the concept of the extended Family Field which reflects the origin of the
family, the existing nuclear family and the extended relations that attach the family to their
origin31.
The fifth but not the least includes the concept of Emotional Triangle which relates to the
concept of emotional stability that a couple seeks by welcoming a third person into their lives.
This third person can be a new baby or a new member in the family and is generally a means of
restoring the lost stability in a relationship32.
Response to Bonus Question
Drawings upon Ronald Richard’s insights on Birth Order, (chapter 11) do some analysis on
your own birth order. Taking into consideration your race/ ethnicity and gender, tell how his
insights might be helpful in assisting you with understanding yourself and understanding others.
Taking my birth order into consideration I am the third child in my family. My elder siblings are
two of my sisters. Keeping in mind the theory of birth order as it states that the order of birth
influences the personality traits of an individual and seem to have lower IQs as considered with
29 Family counseling and Family systems theory Slide no. 39
30 Family counseling and Family systems theory Slide no. 40
31 Family counseling and Family systems theory Slide no. 41
32 Family counseling and Family systems theory Slide no. 42.

Running head: PASTORAL CARE
the first born, I feel the order has very little to do in shaping the personality of an individual.
Taking my case in order, it can be argued that the order of birth has not moulded my personality
rather; I have been influenced a lot by the environment I was brought up and the influence of the
people who moulded my personality. therefore I can conclude the personality of an individual is
dependent upon the environment and other variable factors, and not on the order of birth.

Running head: PASTORAL CARE
Bibliography
Counseling with Women
Family counseling and Family systems theory
Listening Skills.
Stone, H.W., 1998. Depression and hope: New insights for pastoral counseling. Fortress Press