Reflective Paper on Passive Aggressive Behaviour and Self-Regulation

This reflective paper discusses the author's experience with a group member who exhibited passive aggressive behaviour and how the author applied self-regulation to handle the situation. The paper also explores the concepts of non-verbal communication and emotional intelligence.

Running head: REFLECTIVE PAPER
Reflective Paper
NorQuest College
NCOM 1000 A01
Assignment 1: Reflective Paper
Terilee Olorenshaw
Date
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REFLECTIVE PAPER
Recall
We were doing a group assignment recently and I was appointed the group leader. The
group was composed of 7 members and we had agreed on the dates and venue where we would
be meeting. One of the group members was late to arrive for two meetings consecutively and
made an apology. During the third meeting, he arrived when we were concluding. When he tried
to explain, I walked away.
Reflect
Thoughts
I thought that the member was taking advantage of the group. I also thought that he was
taking us for granted assuming that we cannot throw him out of the group. In addition, I also
thought he was a lazy person and a liar. The reason why I though he was a liar was because he
had promised twice that he wouldn’t be late and yet appeared for the third meeting very late.
These thoughts were aggravated by the fact that he had been late for three times consecutively. I
thought it was not worth trusting such a person.
Feelings
I felt very dissatisfied with his late appearance. Anger started building up when I recalled
that the individual had lied to the group members. The anger was further aggravated by the
thought that the member was taking the group for granted yet it was involved in a very serious
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REFLECTIVE PAPER
class assignment. I also felt lied to and devalued. In a nutshell, I was fed up with his behaviour
and it made me very angry.
Actions
As noted earlier, the third time he arrived when we were concluding the meeting. I
looked at him from head to toe. I looked at him in a manner likely to suggest that I was not only
dissatisfied but fed up by his unbecoming behaviour. When he tried to explain, I just took my
books put them in my bag and walked away. I was the group leader and the group regulations
were that an apology should be sought from the leader prior to the meeting. I did not hear a word
of what he said for I left almost as soon as he arrived.
Relate
Passive Aggressive
Passive aggressive refers to behaviours that seem compliant while they have some
element of stubbornness. The kind of stubborn qualities exhibited by people who are aggressive
passive are not as direct as those of those overtly aggressive people. For instance, an overtly
aggressive person may show their dissatisfaction by openly abusing or shouting at a person. The
case of passive aggressive is very different however. Here is an example. You meet a friend
along a street and they fail to greet you for the third time in just one week. In such a case, it is
hard to point a finger, but it is obvious that something is amiss. I applied the passive aggressive
behaviour towards the late member. I looked at him from head to toe and walked away when he
tried to explain himself.
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REFLECTIVE PAPER
Self-regulation
Self regulation refers to the art of acting in a manner that ensures wellbeing in the long
term (Adler, Rosenfeld, Proctor and Winder, 2016). This means that one could have acted
otherwise but acts in a certain way as it will accrue some benefits either at the time or in future.
Emotional self regulation refers to the ability of an individual to act in a clam and relaxed
manner even when upset or under pressure. Self regulation is a very important skill in life. Here
is an example. For most of jobs, an employee cannot be arrested for failing to show up for work.
However, the individual still goes to work every day. The reason may be that the person wants to
maintain their income as they will be able to live a better life with the income. Most of the times,
self regulation happens naturally, and we do not note it. I applied this principle in the case of the
group member who arrived late. Anger was building up in me and I felt like I would pick up an
argument with him. I however applied self regulation and left instead.
Non-verbal Communication
Non-verbal communication refers to the process of sending and receiving messages that
does not employ use of words. Such communication involves body movements and facial
expressions. It may also involve other communication factors such as tonal variation and the
pitch of the sound. Non-verbal communication is very important in telling the state of the party
exhibiting them. For instance, a person who is smiling while talking to us is almost always in a
good mood or telling good news. I applied use of non-verbal communication. For instance, I
looked at the member who came late in a manner likely to suggest that I was not happy with his
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REFLECTIVE PAPER
behaviour. In addition, I walked away and did not listen to what he was saying. This passed some
message to him. The message is that I was not happy with him.
Respond
How does knowing yourself influence how you’ll react in similar future situations?
Knowing myself will be of great help in case I experience such a situation in future. In
future, I would be more careful to ensure that my anger does not rise too quickly to the point of
making me leave suddenly. I will listen to the party and their reason for being late. They could
have a genuine reason. In case the reason is not genuine, I would take appropriate punitive
measures such as excluding the person from the group or giving them a firm last warning.
What are the consequences if your behaviour doesn’t change?
If the behaviour does not change, I am likely to become a person who is not emotionally
intelligent. The result is that I might not become an effective leader. To effectively lead people, it
is not only necessary but vital that the leader be emotionally intelligent.
Identify what you will change in the future
In future, I will ensure that I am slow to anger. I will also ensure that I can self regulate
my emotions appropriately. I will do this by endeavouring to become an emotionally intelligent
person. Behaving in a calm and relaxed manner even when angry or under pressure will be my
goal.
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REFLECTIVE PAPER
What are potential benefits if you do change your behaviour?
There are numerous benefits that I would accrue from changing my behaviour. First, I
would be able to interact harmoniously with most people. Secondly, I would become an effective
leader. Thirdly and lastly, I would be able to relate well with work mates.
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References
Adler, R. B., Rosenfeld, L. B., Proctor ll, R. F., Winder, C. (2016). Fourth Canadian Edition
Interplay the Process of Interpersonal Communication. Canada, ON: Oxford University
Press. (Revision from Oxford University Press, 2012)
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