Revision of Essay - Assignment
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Added on 2020-05-28
Revision of Essay - Assignment
Added on 2020-05-28
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Running head: REVISION OF ESSAYRevision of EssayName of the UniversityName of the StudentAuthor note
1REVISION OF ESSAY1.Self-critique: What did you want to change/revise about the original paper? Be specific about any “re-visioning” you did. Where is this evident in the changes you made to the original?I want to change the sentence construction and wrong use of prepositions in my originalpaper. In addition, I want to reduce the length of the sentences, which seem too long. I haverevised the entire paper and made the following changes:1. Original paper - “As far as the target readers are concerned, according to me, the essaycan strike a chord in the reader of any age, since the composition is exploring the powerdynamics between a vulnerable son and over-powering father”.Revised paper – I believe that the essay can strike a chord with readers of any age, as faras the target readers are concerned. I base my belief on the composition of the essay that explorespower dynamics between a vulnerable son and an over powering father. 2. Original paper – “The readers can come across a plethora of themes like how withinthe internal periphery, and the child is assaulted by patriarchal norms and practices "He wouldsee my downcast eyes, my reddened, sweating face..."”Revised – The readers can come across a plethora of themes like how within the internalperiphery, the child is assaulted by patriarchal norms and practices, "He would see my downcasteyes, my reddened, sweating face..."2. Peer Review: What did the peer comments on your paper tell you? What feedback did you find useful? How did you address their concerns in your revision process? Be specific with details.
2REVISION OF ESSAYAfter going through the peer comments, I found that I have made significant use ofpassive voices that I need to avoid. Further, according to the peer review, the first paragraph ofmy essay is underdeveloped and it is filled with confusion. In addition, incorrect MLAformatting in the work cited. As per the comments made by peers, the first paragraph of myessay does not convey the point I am trying to make. These comments depict that I have to reduce the use of passive voices in my essay anddevelop the first paragraph more precisely. I also have to maintain a smooth flow so that I do notconfuse my readers. Further, I have to use correct MLA format while citing other works.I accept that the first paragraph of my essay is loose and the words used are vague aswell. Hence, I have made some corrections. I have also tried to remove excessive passive voicesentences from my essay. I made certain changes keeping in mind, the comments made by mypeers. Following are the changes:Changes made in passive voice sentences:-1. Original paper – “Another meaningful interpretation or message that can be derivedfrom the essay is the sadistic satisfaction that the father used to attain by flaunting his authorityand male dominance”.Revised – Another meaningful interpretation or message that can one can derive from theessay is the sadistic satisfaction that the father used to attain by flaunting his authority and maledominance.2. Original paper – “Previously, the hegemony of power was solely investedin thefather”.
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