The EmOTIONAL BONDING Introduction Introduction The relationship cure written by John Gottman

THE EMOTIONAL BONDING
Introduction
The relationship cure written by John Gottman stress over the key factors that are
essential for a good and lasting marriage and friendship. It emphasizes on the core of what is
being communicated to anyone who struggles to work out on their relationship to make it better
and it covers everyone of us. The word ‘bid’ is being used by the author which refers to as the
desire of the people and how they want to stay connected within their relationships. We need to
evaluate the factors that help us in developing a better relationship and understanding the
question that why do we need a relationship. We do not need any relation just because they are
nice, help us through the bad times, or make us feel improved or it is just a good idea to have one
relationship, but we need to accept the fact that relationships help us to survive, give us a better
direction towards the living or they work as a medicine that helps cure our illness.
We often tend to bid for connection by talking to them, cuddling up with them and in
many other ways. This adds up to our mood, make us happy and but it depends on how other
retort to our bid and how we reciprocate. This is how a relationship works and stays alive.
Multifaceted and gratifying relationship do not develop in minutes in our lives moderately, they
grow over time. These relationships are made up of smallest exchanges such as you make a
bid/desire and you get a response to it. Bid for connection can sometimes be nonverbal too such
a slap at back, handshake, a kiss, a hug, smile, bopping, tickling, offering a seat, opening the
door and etc.
The mistakes that turns against while making a bid for connection can be Contemptuous
Responses which states that when a person bids for connection, he receives hurtful, disrespecting

comments. Belligerent Responses are the responses such responses are combative and hands-on.
These responses give an impression that the speaker is looking for a fight already. Contradictory
Responses are the ones in which the person seems to start a debate. It is less intimidating then the
belligerent one but still puts an end to bidders will to connect.
Example for contemptuous responses
Child: I don’t understand this math homework at all.
Dad: Of course you don’t, you take after your mother and all her lame-brained relatives.
This examples tells the rude and hurtful behavior that the person received who made the bid for
connection. Such comment was made with the intention to put down the other with superiority.
Example for belligerent responses
Child: here’s an interesting article...
Mom: Can’t you see I am trying to read?
This shows that the counterbid made was combative and aggressive and intended to initiate a
fight and conflict.
Example for contradictory response
Friend A: would you like a tangerine?
Friend B: That’s not tangerine, it’s a satsuma orange.
It clearly shows that the desire to connect is blocked by the recipient of the bid and he thrashed it
away harshly.