The Lakeside

THE LAKESIDE
I was unaware of my courage for this incidence.
There was a sound or touch or feel in my unconscious mind, which was rousing by holding back my
actions from the verge of ending things, possibly a heartfelt desire for living and giving life a second
chance. The urge of a second chance let me think against the pills; in the same way I dropped the
rope, which I was connecting to the ground for leaving the rope as a tangled pile, an appropriate
metaphor indicating the mess in my mind. However, in that very day I killed it, strangled it and
pushed it back to the gravities of feelings and thoughts, which is never to be visited again and this is
what I did to myself. It was a long and hot day of summer when I opened windows of the jeep,
letting the aggressive wind slap my face as angry hands. Even though, my eyes were stinging, I
appreciated the experience. As I rolled off the worn out roads but the energy was directed towards
controlling my jeep that was bouncing around the dusty road as like a scampering horse. As I turned
to a corner passing a grove of tress, I droved nearly to a big rock. It felt, as my car did not want to
take me to my destination. However it did not have any choice at last.
With the unfolding of the landscape before me, my thoughts were devastated as a glass
sheet in the action of gunfire. As the car hesitated while retorting me forwards, I hardly
noticed the condition because of my intense torrent of feelings, memories and emotions
growing through me. It was the lake, her appearance, her lips and the touch of grass. The
hot sun, the gentleness of waving trees and the birds chattering away.
Almost a year before, there was a moment when I was just sitting there, with an
overwhelming feeling of empty shell like body with the flow of a series of unobstructed
memories. Like a broken sound of records, I heard her laugh in the head, which would not
be existent anymore. When the bitter tears from my eyes rolled down my hands and folding
down by lap, I realized my cry. The salty tears transported me back to my senses after which
I moved my head while moving steadily for opening the door.
The touch of wind rustling through the trees, the burning sense of the jeep and the crinkling
sound of the paper which I opened from the pocket by laying the letter upon the seat of my
jeep. Although the letter was lying alone, I had no plans for keeping company.
With the progressing wind, the waves started rippling down, as I was approaching down the
shore. I heard the wave asking me to stay away from increasing depths. However, I was not
in a mood for listening to them. The lake discontined shining by marking a last dazzling
sparkle by hiding behind baleful clouds like it could not be able to watch that was going to happen.
I screamed ‘Coward’ as I have witnessed light leaving the sight of her eyes while she was lying in the
bed at hospital. I watched the face turning loose with the limping of her body. I was feeling useless
as I was of no use in that moment. She was lying in the bed with her soul and body full of pain, as I
am standing there useless. She was fighting for her life while the treatment was failing in my
presence that was supposed to be keeping her alive.