Tips for Understanding and Working with Others

Learn how to effectively communicate and work with different personality types. Find common ground, observe and adapt to improve relationships.

Tips for Understanding and Working with
Others
When working on communicating, we need to find ways to "connect" with others. Apart from a common
language, we need to share interests and terminology to understand what the other is saying. In the same way,
we must work to bridge our differences in personality.
The following rule generally holds true:
The further away you are from someone on the personality grid the more difficult it is to relate to them.
For example, a highly analytical person will likely find it difficult to work with someone who is very
expressive. The same conflict could occur between a driver and an amiable. This is because their ways of
thinking and working are quite different.
Most of the time we will not have the luxury of choosing who we will work with. Because of this, we must
work with all personality types. To do this effectively, you will need to:
 Observe. Listen and watch for personality cues; be open to someone else's style, values and perspective.
 Adapt. Find common ground with someone who is different; this could be your speed of speaking or the
terms you use (e.g., talking about facts vs. feelings).
 Connect. Watch for body language and get feedback from others to see if you are being
understood; check your own thoughts/feelings. Do you feel harmony or discord?
The objective is to understand and relate to all other personality types. That is when communication clicks
and working together works best.
In order to better understand personality types, it is best if we understand our own personality type.
The Value of Personality Analysis
Here are some ways the personality analysis can help you become a leader:
 Increased self-acceptance.
You will begin to accept more of your strengths and your weaknesses.
 Improved awareness.
You will recognize where your strengths can become weaknesses.
 More perspective.
You will be able to see (and have more understanding of) different sides of yourself and others.
 Greater choice.
Knowing different personality qualities, you will be able to develop the ones you want.
 More understanding and ability to work with others.
You will see the strengths and needs of people around you.
 Enhanced personal growth.
You will feel more balanced, more integrated, and whole.
Continue to the assessment:

SELF-ASSESSMENT OF SOCIAL STYLES
Use the questionnaire and chart on the next page to assess your social style. Total your score on assertiveness and divide
by 15. Then total your score on responsiveness and divide by 15. Plot the two average scores on the chart (back page).
Assertiveness Ratings Responsiveness Ratings
I perceive myself as: I perceive myself as:
Quiet........................................... Talkative Open............................................... Closed
1 2 3 4 4 3 2 1
Slow to Decide ..................... Fast to Decide Impulsive.................................... Deliberate
1 2 3 4 4 3 2 1
Going along .......................... Taking charge Using opinions ...........................Using facts
1 2 3 4 4 3 2 1
Supportive................................ Challenging Informal ......................................... Formal
1 2 3 4 4 3 2 1
Compliant.................................... Dominant Emotional............................... Unemotional
1 2 3 4 4 3 2 1
Deliberate............................. Fast to Decide Easy to know.........................Hard to know
1 2 3 4 4 3 2 1
Asking questions ............. Making statements Warm................................................. Cool
1 2 3 4 4 3 2 1
Cooperative ............................. Competitive Excitable............................................ Calm
1 2 3 4 4 3 2 1
Avoiding risks .......................... Taking risks Animated................................. Poker-faced
1 2 3 4 4 3 2 1
Slow, studied ............................. Fast-paced People-oriented ......................Task-oriented
1 2 3 4 4 3 2 1
Cautious....................................... Carefree Spontaneous ................................. Cautious
1 2 3 4 4 3 2 1
Indulgent ............................................ Firm Responsive .......................... Nonresponsive
1 2 3 4 4 3 2 1
Nonassertive................................. Assertive Humorous ...................................... Serious
1 2 3 4 4 3 2 1
Mellow................................. Matter-of-fact Impulsive................................... Methodical
1 2 3 4 4 3 2 1
Reserved ...................................... Outgoing Lighthearted.................................... Intense
1 2 3 4 4 3 2 1
Total Score = 33 / 15 = 2.2 Total Score = 24 / 15 = 1.6

SELF-ASSESSMENT OF SOCIAL STYLES
Dominance Scale
Low Responsive
“Controlled”
1
Sociability Scale ANALYTICAL 1.75 DRIVER
(Thinking) (Sensor)
Low Assertive 1 1.75 2.5 3.25 4 High Assertive
“Asking” “Telling”
AMIABLE EXPRESSIVE
(Feeling) 3.25 (Intuitive)
4
High Responsive
“Emotional”
Sociability Scale
Dominance Scale
Assertiveness Dominance The degree to which a person attempts to control situations or the thoughts and actions of
others.
Responsiveness Sociability The readiness with which a person outwardly displays emotions or feelings and develops
relationships.
Driver Sensor Quick reactions to here and now sensory input
Expressive Intuitive Imagination and thought
Amiable Feeling Emotional and personal reactions to experiences
Analytical Thinking Logically organizing and analyzing data
2
2.2
1.6

Four Social Styles
ANALYTICAL: Low Responsiveness, Low Assertiveness
Analytical people can appear unsociable, especially to Amiables and Expressives. They
may seem serious and indecisive. This is because they need to look at every conceivable
angle before they feel satisfied. A consequence of this is that they are persistent in their
questioning and focus on detail and facts. However, once they have made a decision,
they stick with it as they invariably feel that it is infallible.
In conflict, they can "whine", become sarcastic and are often negative.
Summary:
Characteristics: Serious, mull matters over, Indecisive, persistent, ask lots of
questions, attention to detail.
In conflict: whining, sarcastic, negative
Solution: Keep to the facts, Don't agree with them, listen attentively
Basic Need: To be correct
DRIVER: Low responsiveness, high assertiveness
Drivers are task orientated and expect efficiency from everyone they come into contact
with. Little emphasis is placed on building relationships with other people. They can be
perceived as aggressive and uncaring, especially by amiables, though are often needed to
take risks and push things through. In conflict, they will try to " steam roller " over anyone
who comes in their way.
Summary:
Characteristics: Task orientated, clearly defined goals, committed, determined, risk
takers, efficient.
In conflict: Aggressive, rude, abrupt,
Solutions: Be assertive and firm, have a solution to the problem, listen.
Basic Need: To be in control

Four Social Styles
AMIABLE: ( High Responsiveness, Low Assertiveness )
The amiable person likes other people's company, though is more of a listener than a
talker.
Expressive people find them useful, because they are prepared to listen to what they are
saying.
They are loyal, personable and show patience when dealing with other people.
They may however not be perceived as people " who get things done " because they
spend more time developing relationships with others. They are also unlikely to take
risks as they need to have the feeling of security.
In difficult situations, they are likely to avoid the situation and lack conviction of their
feelings and if pushed likely to make promises that they cannot keep. Drivers often find
them frustrating because they want a straight answer and the amiable can find this difficult
to deliver.
Summary:
Characteristics: Loyal, personable, patient, Uncomfortable with risk, Non-
Confrontational, Dislike pressure, Enjoy the company of others.
In conflict: Likely to be " passive", lack conviction, avoidance,
Solution: Reassure, Support, Confirm commitment
Basic Need: Security
EXPRESSIVE: ( High Responsiveness, High Assertiveness )
The expressive likes the company of other people, though unlike, the amiable this is
because they need to " express " themselves. Amiables complement them very well,
unless the expressive becomes too aggressive and puts them off.
They can be good people to have at a party, because they're enthusiastic, dramatic and
"interesting" people to have around. However, if they don't receive the attention they
crave, they can get upset and even "difficult" to deal with.
In conflict, they become emotional, prone to exaggeration and unpredictable. The best way
to deal with this is to let them calm down. Try not to fuel the fire by saying anything
controversial.
Summary:
Characteristics: People orientated, centre of attention, positive, emotional,
talkative, enthusiastic, dramatic.
In conflict: Unpredictable, emotional.
Solutions: Allow them time to gain composure, Ask questions, problem solve.

Basic Need: Recognition

o Low assertiveness
Analytical o Low responsiveness.
o Technical specialists.
o Likes organization and structure
o Dislikes involvement
o Asks specific questions
o Prefers objective, task-oriented, intellectual work
o Wants to be right, so collects much data
o Works slowly, precisely, and alone
o Seeks security and self-actualization
o Has good problem-solving skills
o Low assertiveness
Amiables o High responsiveness.
o Support specialists.
o Slow in making decisions or taking actions
o Likes close, personal relationships
o Dislikes interpersonal conflict
o Supports and actively listens to others
o Weak in goal setting and self-direction
o Seeks security and identification with a group
o Has good counseling and listening skills
o High assertiveness
Drivers o Low responsiveness.
o Control specialists.
o Decisive in action and decision making
o Likes control; dislikes inaction
o Prefers maximum freedom to manage self
and others
o Cool, independent, and competitive with others
o Low tolerance for feelings, attitudes, and
advice of others
o Works quickly and impressively alone
o Seeks esteem and self-actualization
o Has good administrative skills
o High assertiveness
Expressives o High responsiveness.
o Social specialists.
o Spontaneous actions and decisions
o Likes involvement
o Exaggerates and generalizes
o Tends to dream and get others caught up in
those dreams
o Jumps from one activity to another
o Works quickly and excitedly with others
o Seeks esteem and group identification
o Has good persuasive skills

The Interaction of Styles
Style flexing is the ability to adjust your style to meet that of your prospect
Source
Styles Shared Dimension of Conflict Area of Agreement
Analytical v Amiable Low Assertiveness Priorities Pace
Driver v Expressive High Assertiveness Priorities Pace
Analytical v Driver Low Responsiveness Pace Priorities
Amiable v Expressive High Responsiveness Pace Priorities
Analytical v Expressive Both
Amiable v Driver Both
Style Summary
Driver Expressive Amiable Analytical
Backup Style Autocratic Attacker Acquieser Avoider
Measures Personal Values By: Results Applause Security Accuracy "Being
Right:
For Growth Needs to Listen Check Initiate Decide
Needs climate that Allows to build own Inspires to reach goals Provides Details Suggests
structure
Takes time to be Efficient Stimulating Agreeable Accurate
Support their Conclusions and Dreams and Intuition Relationships and Principles and thinking
actions feelings
Present benefits that tell What Who Why How
For decisions give them Options and Testimonials and Guarantees and Evidence and service
probabilities incentives assurances
Their specialty is Controlling Socializing Supporting Technical

Tips for Your Type
For the Amiable:
 Speed up with "fast" people
 Talk more, listen less
 Take control occasionally; be assertive
 Take some risks
For the Analytical:
 Speak more and smile more
 Show appreciation and personal interest
 Relax; share information and be open to others
 Remember: Enthusiasm will not kill you...
For the Driver:
 Slow down with "slow" people
 Take time to listen to the ideas of others
 Hold back from dominating; relinquish some control
 Show more patience and act more relaxed
For the Expressive:
 Listen more; slow down, relax
 Write things down; set specific goals
 Check details and stay calm
 Learn to concentrate
The Analytical
Type Strengths Potential Weaknesses
Analytical Thinking Excludes feelings from decisions
Thorough Goes too far; perfectionist
Disciplined Too rigid or demanding of self/others
The Analytical is polite but reserved, logical, fact- and task-oriented. This person’s focus is on precision and
perfection. Other strengths include persistence, diligence, caution, and a systematic approach.
Weaknesses involve being withdrawn, boring, quiet, reclusive, and even sullen at times. If he or she seems
indecisive, it’s because of a need to assess all the data. Perfectionism can be a fault if the Analytical pushes it
too far. This person is definitely not a risk-taker.
The Analytical needs to be right, and won’t openly discuss ideas until confident in a decision. His or
her pleasure is accuracy. Pain is to be wrong and criticized.
When communicating with an Analytical

 Be systematic, thorough, deliberate, and precise
 Focus on the task
 Be prepared to answer many “how” questions
 Provide analysis and facts
 Don’t get too personal
 Recognize and acknowledge the need to be accurate and logical
 Don’t rush unnecessarily
 Expect to repeat yourself
 Allow time for evaluation
 Use lots of evidence
 Compliment the precision and accuracy of the completed work.
Portrait of an Analytical’ s office
The first thing you notice will probably be the glasses. The Analytical will have worn out his or her eyes from
constantly reading everything. On the wall you may see a framed degree, but the chief decoration will be
charts, figures, and graphs of every kind. The analytical is not very friendly, will
often greet you skeptically, and doesn’t want to share much – especially anything personal. There will be no
flowers or plant; for the Analytical, they belong in greenhouses. On the desk will be only business-related
information, and that will be carefully arranged. It’s not a power office, but
it definitely will be functional. As for color, black and white will do nicely.
The analytical person:
 wants to know "how" things work
 wants to be accurate, and to have accuracy from others
 values numbers, statistics, ideas
 loves details
Analyticals fear being embarrassed or losing face. They also tend to be introverted and hide their emotions
from others.
The Amiable
Type Strengths Potential Weaknesses
Amiable Supportive Tends to conform to wishes of others
Patient No time boundaries; things do not get done
Diplomatic Not assertive or directive
Devoted, consistent, dependable, and loyal, the Amiable is a hard worker and will persevere long after others
have given up. He or she is a team player, cooperative and easy to get along with, trustful, sensitive and a good
listener. Working in groups with cooperative individuals, the Amiable tries to avoid confrontation. He or she
enjoys company, performs best in a stable environment, and often has a stabilizing effect on others.
Weaknesses include indecision and an inability to take risks. Amiables are often too focused on others,
conforming, quiet, and passive. They often won’t speak up for themselves, are too c compliant and nice, and
often painstakingly slow to make decisions.
The Amiable’s pleasure is stability and cooperation. His or her pain is change and chaos.

When communication with an Amiable
 Be relaxed and agreeable
 Maintain the status quo
 Be logical and systematic
 Create a plan with written guidelines
 Be prepared to answer “why” questions
 Be predictable
 Agree clearly and often
 Use the word “we”
 Don’t push
 Don’t rush
 Compliment him or her as a team player
 Be a good listener
Portrait of an Amiable’s office
The first thing you will notice will be pictures of loved ones on the desk: husband, wife, family, favorite pets.
They’ll be in a candid style, and the Amiable loves to talk about them. On the walls will be colorful photos of
landscapes, waterfalls, birds, and sunsets. You’ll find flowers or plants that are growing well and office colors
that are harmonious and restful. The person will almost certainly be dressed in colors that match. Furniture
will be fashionable, but not overwhelming. Files are present, but usually kept out of the way. If you’re a little
late, the Amiable won’t mind. If you have the Amiable in your company, he or she will stay with you. The
Amiable likes company, newsletters, picnics, gatherings, and retirement parties.
The Amiable person:
• wants to know "why?" (e.g., Why am I doing this?)
• wants to build relationships
• loves to give others support and attention
• values suggestions from others
Amiables fear losing trust or having disagreements with others. While somewhat introverted, they also tend to
display their emotions.
The Driver
Type Strengths Potential Weaknesses
Driver Independent Has trouble operating with others
Decisive Does not take time to consider other perspectives
Determined Domineering; too focused on doing it "my way"
The Driver is a high achiever – a mover and shaker who is definitely not averse to risk. The individual is
extroverted, strong-willed, direct, practical, organized, forceful, and decisive. Look for someone who tells it
the way it is and is very persuasive. Watch out or you’ll be worn down and bowled over. A driver is task-
rather than relationship-oriented and wants immediate results.
This individual is not concerned with how something is done, but what is being done, and what results can be
expected. “What” is his or her battle cry. “What’s going on? What’s being done about it? What you should do
is …!”

The Driver can be stubborn, domineering, impatient, insensitive, and short-tempered, with little time for
formalities or niceties. He or she can also be demanding, opinionated, controlling, and uncompromising –
or even overbearing, cold, and harsh.
The Driver’s pleasure is power, control, and respect. His or her pain is loss of respect, lack of results, and the
feeling that he or she is being taken advantage of.
When communicating with a Driver
 Focus on the task
 Talk about expected results
 Be businesslike and factual
 Provide concise, precise, and organized information
 Discuss and answer “what” questions
 Argue facts, not feelings
 Don’t waste time
 Don’t argue details
 Provide options.
Portrait of a Driver’s office
Of course, it must be the corner office with two windows, but the Driver never looks at the view. Pictures on
the wall are of battlefields, maps, and boats. The Driver is a multi-tasked person and can sign letters, hold
interviews, and talk on the phone simultaneously. Office furniture
contributes to the impression of power and control, and is the most expensive and incredible available.
The office may also contain flowers and plants, even exotic ones like orchids (carefully chose to contribute to
the impression of power), but the Driver never looks after them. There’s an assistant to do that. On the desk
are often family portraits, but never candid shots. They are formal portraits showing everyone in his or her
proper role, frozen forever as the Driver sees them.
The office will probably be decorated by an interior designer to create the feeling of power, and the colors of
the office will be strong power colors. Curt and tough, straight to business. That’s the Driver at work in his
or her den. Don’t waste time. Get straight to the point!
The Driver:
• wants to know "what" (What will this do for me/the firm?)
• wants to save time
• values results
• loves being in control, in charge, doing this his/her own way
D rivers fear giving up control. They tend to be extroverts, but do not like showing their emotions to others.
The Expressive
Type Strengths Potential Weaknesses
Expressive Good communicator Talks too much
Enthusiastic Comes on too strong
Imaginative Dreamer; unrealistic