Business Communication Revision: Letter, Email, Blog - Assignment 6

This assignment solution showcases the revision of three distinct forms of business communication: a formal letter, a professional email, and a blog post. The letter, initially deemed harsh, undergoes revisions to adopt a more presentable and systematic tone, clarifying the organization's stance while addressing a customer complaint. The email, concerning a project revision denial, is restructured for clarity and enhanced with a subject line, balancing the sender's message with the recipient's concerns. Finally, the blog post about mentorship programs is reorganized, with improved grammar and sentence structure, ensuring the content reaches the audience effectively. References to relevant literature on mentorship and business writing are also included. Desklib provides students access to similar assignments and study tools.

Running head: ASSIGNMENT 6: LETTER, EMAIL & BLOG REVIEW
ASSIGNMENT 6: LETTER, EMAIL & BLOG REVIEW
Name of the Student
Name of the University
Author Note

1ASSIGNMENT 6: LETTER, EMAIL & BLOG REVIEW
Revision of Letter
To
Mattias Brogol
1099 East Margrind Avenue
Vancouver
BC V5V 3PO
Date- January 10th 2013
Dear Mr Brogol,
The copy of the complaint that you have sent in regards to the inconvenience that you
have experienced with regards to our product, the Frontier spirit cast iron frying pan. We
understand the inconvenience that has been caused to you and apologize on behalf of Frankline
Company Private Limited. We would like to inform you about the manual that was attached with
the product with instructions about the techniques for usage and the maintenance of the product.
However, we believe that some of the instructions might have been overlooked by you as a result
of which much of the inconvenience has been caused. As per the instructions we provided in the
manual it was mentioned that the frying pan should not be kept in any dishwasher. Additionally,
it was also mentioned that in case of the pan getting rusted a “re-seasoning” process can help to
restore the product quality. We would like to help you further in regards to the matter. Hence we
request you to kindly go through the sections that we have informed and feel free to call us at our
service care number 876 if further assistance is required. We value the relationship, commitment
and satisfaction we share with our customers. Hence, we also offer you a replacement of the

2ASSIGNMENT 6: LETTER, EMAIL & BLOG REVIEW
product at 40% off. Kindly give a thought about accepting our offer. Our delivery bearer will be
sent to your address as soon as possible in Vancouver for helping with the replacement of the
frying pan.
Thanking you,
Customer Care,
Frankline Co. Pvt. Ltd,
Vancouver
Summary of changes
In the previous assignment the letter was slightly harsh in tone with various instances of
informalities being present. The changes that were made were in relation to making the letter
more presentable. The tone and the organization was made in order to make the presentation
more systematic and helpful for the reader to understand. As per the instructions the language
was made clearer and more formal in presentation. It was also important that the stance of the
organization was made clear. Hence, at the same time the language was also used to clarify the
statement of the organization in regards to the issue.
Revision of email
To
The Moondrop team,
Brookfront Company Private Limited
Boston, Massachusetts

3ASSIGNMENT 6: LETTER, EMAIL & BLOG REVIEW
USA
Subject: Permission denied for revising request
We are extremely sorry to inform you that the management has denied the request for revision
and amendment process concerning the upcoming PC game project Moondrop.
The main reason that has led to this decision of the management is the current financial inability
of the company to fund the amendment procedure for the project Moondrop. The management
has hence, given clear instructions for preparing the game as soon as possible for quick release
and subsequent profits to be gained over the investments made. As of now the game is expected
to be released before a month of the scheduled time. It should also be mentioned that as summer
is approaching, many members of the team have applied for long vacation. Unfortunately, the
management team will not be able to approve any leaves for any of the members of the
Moondrop team. However, only in case of the company demands being met the vacation requests
can be re-instated.
In order to meet the various challenges that have risen for our team in the given situation I have
formed certain plans that can help to effectively tackle these challenges. We can release web
videos for the gamers and reviewers to check. Additionally, fixes and doses could be made
simultaneously with the release of the game to avoid untoward incidents in rush hour. Team
leaders will be contacted to discuss matters further.
We apologize for the inconvenience and request all teams to cooperate. Together we can get over
this challenging situation. Please acknowledge this mail and revert back.
Regards,

4ASSIGNMENT 6: LETTER, EMAIL & BLOG REVIEW
Producer
Moondrop team.
Summary of changes
The major problems in regards to the email were absence of subject and lack of proper
organization of the message. Moreover there were certain grammatical issues within the work.
The organization of the work was made more fluid in order to essentially bring out the best parts
of the message. The tone was kept formal but as per the instructions the tone was changed to
address the issues of the recipient as well as clarify the statement of the sender. The organization
of the email helps to convey the right messages.
Revision of blog post
What, Why and How of Mentorship programmes?
Mentorship programmes are focused towards bringing out the best in people to help them
perform up to the standards of skills, capabilities and core competence that provides competitive
advantage (Ramalho 2014). Markwell Co. Pvt. Ltd. is a publication company that is involved in
enhancing the performance capabilities of the employees through various mentorship
programmes. Recently, a program has been implemented for interpersonal problem solving.
Through this problem solving arenas will be created to solve the grievances and issues faced by
the employees and facilitate smooth work flow.
Looking for Mentors?
We are looking for volunteers who will readily take up the responsibility of mentors. A platform
for effective interpersonal communication would be created through which knowledge exchange,

5ASSIGNMENT 6: LETTER, EMAIL & BLOG REVIEW
exposure and leadership quality enhancement can take place among the mentors and the trainees.
The volunteers can put to great use the mentorship skills that they have garnered over the years
and facilitate the development of the future generations.
Reasons for providing the programme?
Most of our employees have reached the age of retirement. We are concerned about how the
fresher employees might take up the new roles. Mentorship will help them to gain confidence,
skills, competency and work effectiveness at the same time. Hence, Markwell Co. Pvt. Ltd.
would like to appoint the retiring employees for teaching the students problem solving skills,
scrutinizing, evaluation and monitoring. The programs would be help twice a week during
second-half working hours.
Summary of changes
The three aspects that were changed were organization, grammar and sentence structure.
Lists were not provided as the information available did not necessitate the usage of lists.
Headings were enhanced to make better sense of the presentation. The previous work was highly
unorganized. The work was made to reach the audiences in better ways than before. The
requirements were clarified further.

6ASSIGNMENT 6: LETTER, EMAIL & BLOG REVIEW
References
Ramalho, J., 2014. Mentoring in the workplace. Industrial and Commercial Training, 46(4),
pp.177-181
Weldy, T.G., 2017. Facilitating Process and Practice for Improving Business Writing
Skills. American Journal of Management, 17(5), pp.60-66.