Counseling Conflict Management Report: Two Conflict Situation Analysis

This report delves into the complexities of conflict management by analyzing two distinct conflict situations: one with a girlfriend regarding vacation plans and the other with a colleague over project responsibilities. The report begins by outlining classical and modern theories of conflict, emphasizing the impact of resource distribution and power dynamics. It defines conflict as a disagreement leading to dissonance and categorizes conflicts as interpersonal, intra-group, or inter-group. The report examines both the negative and positive effects of conflict, highlighting its potential to foster negative emotions while also promoting new perspectives and improved problem-solving skills. The core of the report analyzes the stages of conflict, from initial pre-conflict to climax and resolution, using the two scenarios as examples. It then explores five conflict management styles: competing, collaborating, compromising, avoiding, and accommodating, outlining steps to effectively manage conflict, including identifying learning opportunities, fostering healthy feedback, being proactive, giving adequate attention to the conflict, and practicing self-criticism. The report concludes by referencing relevant academic sources to support its findings and recommendations.

Running head: COUNSELING
CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
Name of the Student
Name of the University
Author Note

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Conflict Situation #1: Conflict with my girlfriend regarding where to spend the
vacation.
Conflict Situation #2: Conflict with my colleague regarding a project which is to be
worked upon by both of us, regarding the distribution of responsibilities to complete the
work.
The Classical Theory of Conflict was proposed by Karl Marx, pointing out that class
consciousness against oppression causes social conflicts. However modern theories by C
Wright Mills points out that: A) conflicts are influenced by unequal sharing of resources and
power in the society. B) Integration between the elite powers of the government (thereby
increasing their power), both of which can result in an escalation of conflict.
Conflict can be understood as a type of disagreement/ argument/ incompatibility of
opinions, principles or interest, causing dissonance within a group. Or a situation the
actions or beliefs adhered to by individual(s) are are deemed unacceptable or are resisted by
others. Conflicts can be either Interpersonal, Intra Group or Inter Group. The conflicts
can often foster the feeling of hatred (Mas & Dijkstra, 2014).
Eunson (2012), suggests that conflict can have both positive and negative effects.
The obvious negative effects are formation of negative emotions, communication blocks or
failures, stereotyping of people (with whom the conflict is), a reduction in coordination, shift
towards autocracy and an impaired ability to empathize, and understand the perspectives of
others. The positive effects are that it allows the release of vent up emotions, help to form
new perspectives from the opposing side or from the same side, this can help in better
decision making and problem resolution skills which can in turn improve cohesion, challenge

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complacency and allow new changes to take place. Conflicts can also help to really
appreciate the differences and diversity of the human mind, and provide insight as to how
interpersonal conflicts can be mitigated. Conflicts can occur due to scarcity of resource,
adversity, bad communication, perception of difference and biology (Eunson 2012).
Conflict management is the process of mitigating the negative effects of a conflict
and enhancing the positive effects of it. A proper Conflict Management practice can ensure
enhanced learning outcomes, better performance, and cohesion.
Allwood & Ahlsén (2015) identified the following stages of conflict:
Stage #1: Initial phase (pre conflict or latent conflict stage)- this is evidenced by a
neutral or calm stance, where a claim or argument made by one party can be considered
unacceptable or offensive by the other party (Spaho, 2013). For example in case of Conflict
#1, my girlfriend was insistent upon having the next vacation on a beach, for the third
consecutive year. In case of Conflict #2, I suggested my colleague to take care of the initial
planning of the project while ill work on the final execution, which he found unacceptable.
Stage #2: Initial Claim or Confrontation (a challenge or an attack)- evidenced by
the attack on opinion of the the party making the initial suggestion, an accusatory stance is
adopted, causing provocation and interruption of the initial speaker (Van Emersen &
Houtlosser, 2015). Discussions or debates can work at this stage. In conflict #1. I was almost
immediate in pointing out to my girlfriend that the last two vacations were also near the sea,
as per wishes, and even the year before on a cruise ship. I made a confrontational stance,
interrupting her statement, saying that “This time, it’s going to be my choice, we had that
decided before”. In conflict #2: My co worker made an accusatory stance that I am giving
him the more difficult task, while I am assuming the easier one, which is not fair to him.

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Stage #3: Response to Accusation- here the initial party responds to the initial
accusation (Skipper, Smith, Urdang & Buren, 2014). The response can be varied depending
on the person’s state of mind, and be anywhere between a smiling response and an angry
scorn. A surprise or shock to the initial argument can also occur, depending on the situation.
In Conflict #1 my girlfriend was shocked that I could so easily refute her wishes so quickly,
even knowing how much the particular vacation spot was important for her. Her response
was that “it was the one thing I requested this year, after all I have done for you, and you just
brushed me off!”. In conflict #2 I adopted a more polite stance, and informed my colleague
smilingly that if he feels there was an unequal sharing of work load, he can suggest how we
share the work. I also informed that my plan was based on our current expertise, and hence I
felt it would have been more efficient if we followed my plan. I did not want by colleague to
feel that he was being cheated, or I was being unfair to him.
Stage #4: At this stage the patience generally becomes lesser, and
arguments/counterarguments are thrown around by both parties, causing an overlapping of
conversations. At this stage a possibility of a quarrel arises, and the tension rises because if it.
In conflict #1: The argument lead to a quarrel between me and my girlfriend, where I accused
her of “only caring what she wants” and her notion that I was being “insensitive”. Our
conversation kept going in circles after that, with none of us able to convince the other. In
Conflict #2 my colleague seemed to have taken my opinion positively, and agreed that we
can work as per the initial plan I made, but only after a few adjustments he would suggest. I
felt that was justified and valid, and hence agreed to his terms, inviting him to share what
changes he would like to implement on my plan. The Conflict therefore ended at stage 3. And
so at Stage 4, the argument was a constructive one, involving the discussion about possible
changes in the work plan.

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Stage #5:Climax- here both the parties are fully involved in the conflict, and
generally evidenced by an even more tension and lack of patience among the parties
(Allwood, & Ahlsén, 2015). Often showering ensues from the situation, along with standing
up or leaning forward, and taking an offensive stance. In conflict #1: The climax of my
conflict with my girlfriend was evidenced by both of us being very angry at each other, and
stopping the conversation. In conflict #2 the climax was with me accepting the proposed plan,
thereby resolving the discord.
Stage #6: Win/Lose – When one of the arguing parties was successful/ unsuccessful
in making the other party agrees, and therefore wins or lost the argument and conflict. The
winning party often takes a stance of superiority. In conflict #1: We finally agreed to have a
vacation in the mountains, with my girlfriend having a feeling of resentment, and I was
exhibiting a feeling of superiority to have won the argument. In conflict #2 Both my
colleague and I learnt a vital way how to deal with conflicts, came up with a better working
plan, and helped increase the cohesion as a team. The ensue was that we both felt better, and
there was no resentment due to the conflict.
Managing Conflict can be done in 5 different styles: competing, collaborating,
compromising, avoiding or accommodating (Thomas, 2016). These styles can be utilized
by a following these steps:
First is the Identification of the learning (informal or incidentive) opportunity that
the conflict brings by having a positive outlook about the conflict (Marsick & Watkins,
2015). In conflict #2, I was able to identify that I can gain a different perspective into the
planning and execution of our project from my co-worker’s inputs. In conflict #1 however, I
had an adamant stance, and did not want to consider the possibility that I could have liked the
vacation spot my girlfriend preferred. So, wasn’t able to identify the opportunity in that

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conflict. We could have also agreed upon a vacation spot that would have proximity to both
the sea and mountains.
Secondly, a culture that is conducive of sharing of healthy feedback can also
ensure proper communication of expectations and preferences, and can reduce the chances of
conflicts that happen due to bad communication. In scenario #2, I preferred to acknowledge
my co worker’s feedback and make him feel his opinions are being valued as much as mine.
This was effective in reducing the discord, and helped me to understand his perspective. In
conflict #1, a communication breakdown prevented the exchange of feedback. I could have
asked my girlfriend why she felt I was being insensitive, instead of imposing my conclusion,
and taken her response as a feedback.
Thirdly, Being proactive, but not hurrying into conclusions before a full
understanding of both the sides of the argument has been properly understood (Li et al.,
2014). Also, the choice of words how the arguments are put can help to alleviate the tension,
and mitigate unnecessary problems. In conflict #2, Both my colleague and I were proactive in
expressing our views, using careful selection of words, keeping in mind the professional code
of conduct, and avoiding any escalation. However, in conflict #1, the conversation escalated
into a quarrel very quickly, with neither of us willing to empathize the other’s stance. I could
have taken a less defensive and more open stance, instead of aggravating the situation.
Fourthly, giving adequate attention to the conflict can allow handling the situation
with more seriousness, and diligence (Chedozie, 2013). This can facilitate the
comprehension of the stance made by the opposing party, and hence mitigate the conflict
better. In both scenario #1 and #2, seriousness was evident from both sides, however the
success of the conflict management in each scenario was effected by the differences in other
aspects of the conflict mentioned above.

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Lastly, being self critical can allow retrospection upon the stance of self, and identify
and loophole or issues with it, and if the stance needs to be reviewed (Rand & Kraft-Todd,
2014). In scenario #2, I was able to critically view my opinions about the division or work
between my co worker and me when my colleague showed resistance towards the plan I
proposed. It allowed me to appreciate that the plan had further scope of improvement, which
could have a positive impact on the work. In conflict #1 however, we both were defensive in
our stance, and was not open to self reflection and self criticism, until much later, and a
reluctant agreement on the solution. Which could have been averted if I could recognize what
exactly made her upset?

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