Analysis of Revised Email and Communication Process: HR Perspective

This assignment analyzes a revised email concerning a food drive proposal. The student identifies and explains revisions made to the original email, focusing on tone, formatting, and professional language. The analysis includes an explanation of how the revised email's concept aligns with the goal of saving food and establishing a unique position among competitors. Furthermore, the assignment highlights specific edits made to improve the email's clarity and professionalism, such as correcting spelling errors and refining sentence structure. Finally, the analysis concludes with an assessment of the revised email's impact on the Head of HR, emphasizing the importance of effective written communication in a professional setting. The assignment provides a comprehensive evaluation of the communication process and the importance of effective professional writing.

Running head: THE COMMUNICATION PROCESS
THE COMMUNICATION PROCESS
Name of the Student
Name of the University
Author Note

1THE COMMUNICATION PROCESS
Dana’s email- revised and edited:
To: Stan Smith ([e-mail])
From: Dana Shomacher ([e-mail])
Sub: Organize and Publicize a food drive for Coastal Food Pantry
Date: 22 October 2019
Dear Stan,
I hope you are doing well. I have thought of a great idea regarding publicizing of Bear Foods
that would be cost effective and serve the purpose of publicity equally. We can think of
conducting a food drive for Coastal Food Pantry with our community. I had come across an
article in the Tribune that spoke about the troubles of keeping food requests and hence, I
thought, this program can be a great fit for Bear Foods.
I want all our employees to participate in contributing food as well as our consumer whom we
can convey the message of this noble cause. We can set some food collecting carts at our
outlets and I can even throw an announcement in the Tribune. I can also get some good posters
made and stick it to our front side windows.
I am willing to look after and take care of all the details of this campaign and just wishing for
your consent. Please do revert with positive notes.
Thanks & Regards,
Dana Shomacher.
1. What revisions made?
Dana had been using extremely informal tone being just a six-month employee at the company.
She must have used official tone of writing as she is conveying the message to the regional head
HR. The change in the tone have made it sound more precise, to-the-point and professional.
Apart from tone of writing, the formatting knowledge of Dana is not up to the mark where she
did not create her email template and addressed the dignitary.
2. How the concept changes fact?
Dana intends to write in the sense of saving food instead of wasting them or throwing out in
wild. If a person becomes calculative in terms of how much is his appetite in average, it will be

2THE COMMUNICATION PROCESS
easier to save fresh foods and contribute them to noble cause. Apart from being a competition to
other grocers who indulge in contributing stale and expired foods, it is necessary for being a
unique example in the crowd of competition. If the intentions of saving food holds real breathe,
dedication and enthusiasm, it is always better to focus on the real objective of movement.
3. What edits and why?
The written mail consisted some colloquial terms that are not encouraged in professional field. I
changed those terms as well as some significant spelling mistakes like posters, she had written
postures. The sentence framing sense is also not up to the mark.
4. Impression on Head HR
The revised email is definitely a better decision to be chosen and have created good impressions
on HR Stan. With that of Dana’s written version, HR would have felt a bit confused regarding
her professional approach and might have not paid any heed to it. Communication style through
written expressions is an art and in realm of the need, correct styles are to be used.