FS1010 Family Studies: Impact of Divorce on Children and Families

This report, based on a personal narrative, explores the emotional and psychological impact of divorce on children, using the story of Ashley as a case study. It highlights the challenges faced by children and parents during and after separation, including feelings of loss, confusion, and adjustment to new family dynamics. The report discusses the need for support systems, counseling, and public policies, such as covenant marriage laws and mandatory education on the effects of divorce, to mitigate the negative consequences. It emphasizes the importance of prioritizing children's well-being and offering them stability during a difficult time. The analysis draws on academic research and provides recommendations for addressing the issues of divorce, including the need for parental support and child-centered approaches.

Running head: FAMILY STUDIES
FAMILY STUDIES
Name of the Students
Name of the University
Authors note

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Introduction:
This paper focuses on the issue of divorce, which is extracted from a story based on real
life situation of a child named Ashley, who is the narrator of the story. Through the help of the
story the problems and the consequences of divorce can be sensed, as the narrator of the story
has told explained every bit of mentally and emotional struggle went through along with the pain
of her mom and dad’s separation (Kiecolt, 2018). Later she said that after on and a half year of
this incident she is still not able to forget the pain, neither she is able to accept the person as her
father whom her mother got married to, also she shared how she missed her old family and there
is no solution to her pain, neither there is any that can console her. Divorce also affects the
partners who are being separated to core (Brand, Howcroft, & Hoelson, 2017). There cannot be a
permanent solution to such problems, however, some measures can be taken at the beginning of
the situation and after the divorce situation in order to mitigate the harsh consequences of the
divorce; which devastates not only both the partners who are in that marriage but also their
surrounding people, especially their children who find it hard to digest the shock of their parent’s
separation along with the falling apart of the family (Schramm, et al. 2018).
Story:
Ashley: I still precisely remember the moment when my mother came to me and said
“Ashie! you me and your father want to share something to you”, as she rarely uses my
nickname while calling me so I was amazed and have sensed that they must have to say
something really serious! Giving a weary look to her, I asked her to come to my room and saw
that my dad was already in my room waiting for us to join. I did not say anything and followed
my mother and we sat on the bed next my father. I noticed that they looked at each other and we
all were silent for a moment then my mother initiative the conversation by saying, “honey, I and

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your father love you…” then she paused and said, “you already know this right?” she asked in a
interrogative voice. I said, “Yes mom, what is wrong with that!” I noticed some weirdness in
both of their expressions, which I just could not understand. Then my father after taking a deep
breath, said directly without a pause and in a rushing manner that “I and your mom are getting
divorced”, I was shocked! I remember looking at them with great shock, in a shivering voice I
said “You are…” and that is utmost I could go and all I could say. They became silent as if they
were letting me digest the sudden shock and giving me time to process myself after hearing to
what my dad had just said to me. All I could remember now is that at that very point of moment
my senses got numb, my legs and hands were all shaking and I was unable to wrap myself up
from the idea of this unfortunate reality that my parents were splitting up for life. My father held
one of my shivering hands with his hand and I looked at him and my mom with great sadness
and (Rauh, Irwin & Vath, 2016). Although, I was not in a condition to talk as my voice was also
chocked, but I still gathered some stability and asked them with a cracked voice, “Why…?” and
mother said it is because “sometimes things just does not work the way we want them to”. Tears
were falling from my eyes, which I did not even realised. Mom pulled me towards her and
hugged me tightly saying “Oh honey”, I was feeling weak and lifeless that I let her hold me for
some time; then again I asked, what would happen to me? With whom I will live now? Father
was still holding my hand and I was tightly hold his hand and at the same time holding mom in
my arms tightly. Again, I asked in a whispering voice, why this is happening. She leaned away
and looked in my eyes and said, “it is going to be ok”, but I was still not ready to understand
what is happening and how it could be. Mom and dad looked at each other and dad said there are
things, which needs to be sorted. I interrupted between them and asked, what things? At that very
moment, I was forcing myself to stop crying, by saying to myself, that it is time to act like a big

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girl now (Dewa, 2016). Then my said that the court dates are of this Friday, then custody and
moving…, again I interrupted, “who is moving?” and mom said “we all are moving and we are
putting up this house for sale right after your father shifts to his apartment, and I found another
apartment too, as we cannot afford to keep the house”. I felt the tears falling on my lap; I was
trying hard to sort my mind, which was being totally swirled at the time. Inside my head I asked
myself, what had not worked out between mom and dad? Were they fighting all these days,
which I did not noticed? Had they found someone else? I was just not able to be understand the
situation. However, I was sure that they could never cheat on each other even if they do not love
one another. Suddenly mom said that a lady is going to come to talk to me as she will be my
counsellor and after this mom and dad left my room saying we are leaving you alone to think for
now and you can come to us if you need, it is hard but it is going to be fine she said and they left.
I do not remember sleeping that night. After two days, the lady came over named Mrs. Brunelle,
and said to me that I can talk to her if I do not feel like talking my parents. Then with a business
smile, she said that she wants to know me first. I remember that I did not liked her and was not
talking to her, as I do not feel like trusting her. Still I let her come my room and answered some
of her basic questions regarding my hobbies and all minimally. She used to come to me once a
week and I even saw her in all the court dates that I was allowed to attend (D'Onofrio & Emery,
2019). Later everyone including that lady told me that my parents were separating because of
their fault not because of me, and they love me. There divorce procedure went on and I stayed at
my grandma’s place, where at dinner we used to talk about random usual things, as my mind was
somewhere else, however grandma tried engaging me in movies and games but nothing seem to
work on me, as my family was falling apart. Later my parents fought for my custody in which
my mom got my custody. I saw dad shifted to his own apartment and I and my mom shift shifted

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to a two-bedroom apartment. That time was hard for me, as I never wanted things to be turned
this way, I wanted both of my parents at the same time not on weekends and other on weekdays.
I used to feel upset, numb and used to cry a lot and I even noticed my mom crying a couple of
times. When I used to meet my dad on weekends, I had noticed that he was also sad. Mom was
remarried after one year to the person who helped her through the divorce and that is why they
fell in love. The marriage took place in a church. I was happy that my mom found a new partner
for her but that person could never replace my dad. People kept on consoling me and telling that
I will get double presents in my birth but I somehow troubled accepting that person. This entire
incident happened one and a half year ago, everyone has adjusted but still cannot forget how my
parents broke my heart and how my family fell apart. I still miss my old family, I cry sometimes
as well. My friends, well-wishers, and “family” tried consoling me many times but some wounds
just cannot be healed (Majoko, 2019).
Issues, Laws and Recommendations:
As per the situations that are shown in the story, it is clear visible that how much a child
gets affected because of their parent’s divorce. In this particular story, which is narrated by the
girl named Ashley is actually a real scenario that has happened to the girl named Ashley, and this
narration all about the experience of a child who belongs to a broke family and her mental
condition and viewpoints (Andersson, 2019). Divorce affects not only the partners who are
getting separated but also it negatively impacts their children in an extreme way (Van, et al.
2019). There are cases where the children becomes depressed and starts to feel lonely and even
attempt side at times. Talking about the partners, some of them does marries again after divorce
but most of them stays alone and take years heal from the pain and trauma. In this story the pain
of separation can be traced among both the partner, however one of them got married after a

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year, but the person who got affected by the divorce and this broken family situation is the child
Ashley who suffered emotionally and mentally after her parent’s divorce and she misses her old
family a lot, as she is also not able to accept his new father, her mother got married to. Ashley
has been consoled and supported by the counsellor named Mrs. Brunelle, her grandmother, her
friends, her mom and dad, and all her well-wishers, but nothing helped her. No games and no
movies seem to help her overcome from the issue. In order to mitigate these issues or
consequences of after divorce situation there are many public policies which can help in dealing
with these issues. “Covenant marriage laws” which allows the two people who are going to
marry requires to follow a pre-marital counselling, in order to find out their compatibility and if
they can stay married (Felkey, 2018). With all the valid reasons if they want to they divorced that
will only be in the extreme cases of domestic violence, adulteration and drug and alcohol abuse.
In addition, the children who witnesses their parent’s divorce often get depressed and feel the
sense of isolation and loneliness and they such children must be kept under supervision of a
trustworthy person and must be treated by psychiatrist and counsellor in order to help them
recover from the difficulties they are facing (Van, et al. 2018). “Mandatory education on the
effects of divorce” is required in the society, so that people can think of mending the relations
rather just breaking it out of small reasons or just lack of compatibility (Cohen, Leichtentritt &
Volpin, 2014). In addition, this law opens up the people’s consciousness regarding the
consequences of the divorce, which not only breaks a family but also affects the children to an
extreme extent, as children need both of their parents to feel secure and stable in their family
(Johnsen, Litland, & Hallström, 2018). The culture that a family can provide to a child is not
possible for a single parent to do the same (Oldham, 2019). Divorce should definitely be avoided
all the valid reasons and especially under the sake of the children, as their suffering is the utmost

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consequence. A marriage can be saved by the usage of the law called “No fault divorce”
(Parkman, 2019). Only in case of extreme violence and such similar situations, divorce must be
adopted.
Conclusion:
Hence, in conclusion it can be considered that that the issue of divorce affects not the two
people who are in that marriage but it actually affects their surrounding people as well, especially
their children who goes through mentally trauma, sense of isolation and depression. The
consequences of divorce are negative in most of the cases, except some of the valid divorce cases
which happens due to mutual decisions, due to domestic violence, drug and alcohol abuse and
cheating, in such cases the decision of divorce is mandatory at all costs, as these extreme
situations cannot be tolerated. From the story of Ashley, it can be sensed that how much she got
affected emotionally and mentally by the divorce of her mom and dad. She wanted her mom and
her dad at the same time but due to the difficult situation, she was forced to have her mom in her
weekdays as she was under her mom’s custody and she can only meet her dad during the
weekends. She even struggled to accept the person whom her mom got married as her father
figure because she can never let anyone take her father’s place. Such issues can be mitigated by
mending the relations by the partners for their children, who do not deserve a broken family or
they should take the decision of marriage carefully so that they do not regret further. There are
laws regarding the mitigation of the consequences of the divorce but divorce should only be
taken only in extreme cases, as the results are mostly negative.

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References:
Andersson, L. (2019). Essays on Family Dynamics: Partnering, Fertility and Divorce in Sweden
(Doctoral dissertation, Department of Sociology, Stockholm University).
Brand, C., Howcroft, G., & Hoelson, C. N. (2017). The voice of the child in parental divorce:
implications for clinical practice and mental health practitioners. Journal of Child & Adolescent
Mental Health, 29(2), 169-178.
Cohen, O., Leichtentritt, R. D., & Volpin, N. (2014). Divorced mothers' self‐perception of their
divorce‐related communication with their children. Child & Family Social Work, 19(1), 34-43.
Dewa, D. D. (2016). The Plight of Children as Secondary Victims of Divorce in Gweru
Zimbabwe: 2013–2016. International Journal of Advanced Science and Technology, 91, 12.
D'Onofrio, B., & Emery, R. (2019). Parental divorce or separation and children's mental health.
World Psychiatry, 18(1), 100.
Felkey, A. J. (2018). Covenant Marriages: Increasing Commitment or Costs?. Eastern Economic
Journal, 44(1), 49-68.
Johnsen, I. O., Litland, A. S., & Hallström, I. K. (2018). Living in Two Worlds–Children's
Experiences After Their Parents' Divorce–A Qualitative Study. Journal of pediatric nursing, 43,
e44-e51.
Kiecolt-Glaser, J. K. (2018). Marriage, divorce, and the immune system. American Psychologist,
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Majoko, T. (2019). Inclusion of children experiencing parental separation and divorce in
mainstream early childhood development in Zimbabwe. Early Child Development and Care,
189(2), 301-317.
Oldham, J. T. (2019). Divorce, separation and the distribution of property. Law Journal Press.
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