Sociology Essay: The Intertwined Nature of Love, Grief, and Loss

This sociology essay delves into the intricate relationship between love and grief, drawing upon the perspective that the two are inextricably linked. The essay begins by establishing the core connection between love and grief, highlighting their implications for attachment and bereavement. It then explores the role of counsellors in supporting individuals experiencing grief. The essay evaluates several key theories, including Kubler-Ross's stages of grief, Silverman & Klass's theory, William Worden's tasks of mourning, and Bowlby's attachment theory, to understand how each views loss and grieving. A detailed analysis of Bowlby's attachment theory is provided, along with an examination of how secure and insecure attachments impact bonds and grief. Furthermore, the essay discusses psychodynamic, person-centered, and cognitive behavioral therapy approaches to grief. Finally, the essay concludes with how a counsellor could integrate these models in sessions for those facing simple and complicated grief.

Running head: SOCIOLOGY
Sociology
Name of the Student
Name of the University
Author Note

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Analytical essay topic: Loving and grieving are two sides of the same coin: we cannot have
one without risking the other Parkes (2013).
Introduction
The fact that the act of love is connected and inseparable from grief cannot be ignored. The
connection between love of an individual for another person who have died and the pain one feel
is entangled. Only through developing and understanding of the nature as well as pattern of
living an individual develops the capability to understand the issues associated with
bereavement. In contrary, the loss of a loved individual teaches an individual much about the
nature of love. Loves as well as loss have crucial implication for the study of attachment as well
as bereavement (Roberts, Thomas and Morgan 2016.). In spite of the fact that different
individuals respond to grief in different ways, as a councillor, to deal with a bereaved client, it is
highly crucial to possess enough knowledge on love and grief, how the two mentioned factors
impose impact on an individual and how to deal with grief (Brinkmann 2016). For this, exploring
various theories associated with attachment, separation as well as loss can be highly beneficial in
aiding the understanding of counsellors along with providing support to the patients. It is highly
crucial councillor to possess effective knowledge about childhood attachment as well as issues
associated with bereavement. The fact that grief experienced during childhood helps an
individual to develop a new method of thoughts about love, bereavement as well as losses.
Psychologists who deal with clients suffering from bereavement needs to develop effective idea
about the patents of attachment as well as grief, loss of parent, child in adult life as well as
association of grief about social isolation and support. In the following paragraph, a detailed
discussion of the explanation of grief and evaluation of different theories and how they view loss
and grieving, including Kubler Ross, Silverman & Klass, William Worden and Bowlby has been

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performed (Oberoi and Kakar 2016). Along with this attachment of in depth analysis of
Bowlby’s attachment theory and how secure and insecure impacts on the bonds and grief we
have for people has been performed. additionally the three core approaches of Psychology that is
psychodynamic, person centred and cognitive behavioural therapy and how each one views
grieving and loss has been discussed here. Finally, a detailed discussion on hoe a counsellor
could integrate models in a session for someone facing simple grief and complicated grief has
been conducted in this essay.
Explanation of grief and love
Grief refers to a strong, overwhelming emotion for individuals, regardless of whether
their grief stems from the loss of a beloved one or from a terminally diagnosis that either they or
their loved one have received. Bereavement can be defined as a natural reaction to loss ad is
considered to be both universal as well as personal experience. In majority of cases, individuals
suffering from grief find themselves to be numb removed from daily life, inability to carry out
day to work and duties (Dudgeon and Walker 2015).
when it comes to love, it can be defined as a complex seet of behaviours, emotions as
well a beliefs associated with strong feeling of affection ,warmth, protectiveness as we as respect
for another individual. While love majorly applies to emotional link between human beings, it
also applies to animals, principles as well as religious beliefs. When it comes to grief, it can be
defined as unspent love.
By the statement “loving and grieving are two sides of the same coin: we cannot have one
without risking the other”, Sparks means that one cannot experience love without experiencing

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or suffering from grief. For instance, if an individual losses someone whom he or she loves, the
unbearable pain that will be faced by him can be pointed out to be grief.
According to Sparks, love is explicitly related to grief, grief is associated with love as well as
the bewilderment caused by not being able to love an individual who is gone. Grief refers to the
frustration, anger, betterment as well as resentment related to love along with resentment at
death’s destruction. Sparks stated that only by understanding the nature as well as pattern of
loving. An individual develops the potential to understanding the problem of grieving (Norrie
2019).
Evaluation of theories
In this paragraph, three major theories associated with grief that is the Kubler Ross five
stages of grief Silverman & Klass theory of grief, William Worden grief theory and Bowlby’s
attachment theory has been discussed.
According to Ross, the five stages of grief that an individual goes through include denial
anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. When an individual lose his or her loved one, the
pain experienced by them can feel to be unbearable. According to the theory, in the fist stage an
individual believes that diagnosis is mistaken and prefers to cline to a preferable reality. this
stage helps an individual for minimizing the overpowering pain of loss. The fact that it can be
hard to believe that we have lost a crucial person from our life, cannot be ignored (Walter and
McCoyd 2015). According to researcher, this stage is not only stage were an individual cline to
also reality by this stage helps people to absorb as well as understand what exactly has happened.
The second stage of Kunler Ross’s theory is Anger. It is highly common for individuals to
experience anger after the loss of a beloved one. in this stage a bereaved person tries to adjust to

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a new reality and are more likely to experience extreme emotional discomfort. this led to anger
an often emotional outlet. Anger actually allows an individual to express emotion with less
amount of fear of judgement as well as rejection. In this stage, the bereaved individual feels
isolated ad often perceived as unapproachable that often leads to social isolation. Comfort,
connection and reassurance from friends and family members are expected in this stage (Worden
2018).
The third stage “Bargaining” involves the hope that the bereaved person possesses the
potential to avoid the reason of grief. In this stage, he or she feels highly desperate to perform
almost everything that will alleviate or minimize the pain of grief. Usually, the negotiation for an
enhanced life is made in exchange to a reformed lifestyle. For instance, a terminally ill individual
can negotiate to god that if he let him or her attain his/her daughter’s wedding, he/she will lead
reformed lifestyle (Neimeyer 2016).
The fourth stage of grief according to the mentioned theory is Depression. in this stage,
imaginations comes to an end and slowly we move towards reality. Bargaining no longer is
considered to be an option and individuals get ready to face the reality. In this stage a bereaved
person face more abundantly lost (Rosenblatt 2016.) . This is because, in the Depression stage
the emotional food gets clear and the loss feels more unavoidable. Individual tends to pull
forward when sadness grows. In this stage, social exclusion, lack of interest in life and other
depression actions becomes quite evident.
Acceptance being the final stage of the Ross theory, in this stage an individual is no
longer feel the pain of loss. However, there is no resistance against the reality in this situation
and in this stage a person does not struggle to makes thins different. Sadness as well as regret

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still remain present. However, in this stage a person learns survival tactics to deal with his or her
emotion.
According to researchers, the time range taken by individual to at each of the stage varies.
However, with appropriate support of the near and dear ones, the final stage can be rapidly
achieved by an individual.
According to the Silverman & Klass theory of grief, bereaved individuals are often seems to be
willing to stay connected with their deceased loved ones since it brings them great comfort and
solace. Individual who continues their bond with their deceased loved ones acquire unique ways
some of which includes
 Dreaming of the individual who died
 Talking to the individual who died
 Thinking of the individual who died
 Believing the deceased individual is looking out for the living
 Keeping possessions that belong to the deceased individual
 Visiting places where they feel close the individual who died
The theory also points out that when an individual suffers from acute ref, he or she often tends to
maintain physical proximity to the person. The bereaved often develops the urge of hearing ,
visualizing as well as smelling things that reminds them of the person. One of the major physical
issue faced during this stage is visual hallucination (Martinčekováa and Klatt 2017). This stage is
highly similar to the stage of denial. As time passed on, the urge of maintaining physical
proximity gets enhanced in this stage, bereaved person may opt for engaging in ritual,
hallucination about the person along with carrying the memory and legacy. According to Klass,

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Silverman, and Nickman, the connection with a deceased loved one does not remain fixed as
well as static. Instead, they often are changed and evolve in the same watt the relationship with a
living evolves with time. For instance, a girl who has lost her sister at the age of 10 may view her
connection with the deceased differently at different phases of time.
According to the researchers, it is highly crucial for the counselors to understand that
they are not expected to suggest their client who is suffering from bereavement to continue bond
with their deceived loved one, instead, the psychologists should understand that continuing bond
is a normal act and not a pathogenic one (Maccallum, Malgaroli and Bonanno 2017). Hence
helping facilitate attitudes as well as environment for continuing bond is what is expected from
professional.
While the above discussed theories will help the counselor to understand the stages that a
grieved individual goes through after losing his or her loved ones, the William Worden’s theory
of grief have emphasised on the tasks that a bereaved person should conduct in order to deal with
the aim of grief in a more efficient way. Worden has suggested 4 tasks to deal with grief that
includes accepting reality of the Loss as well as grief, adjusting to a world without the deceased
and finding on continuing connection with the deceased in the middle of embarking on a new
life. The first task needs to be done during the stage of denial (Saltzman et al. 2017). In order to
come out from the stage of denial the individual should be encouraged to integrate the reality.
For instance social activates like calling the mortuary, attending the memorials can be actions
that possess the potential to drag an individual out of the stage of denial. in order to help an
individual to process the pain of grief, it is crucial for the councillors and family members to
encourage and facilitate the safe expression of all the natural grief reaction. This will help the
individual to accept the loss in a rapid way. For adjusting in the work without deceased, it is

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crucial to encourage spiritual questions and help the individual to understand the meaning of life.
in the final task, of this theory, therapists as well as family members needs to help the individual
to create a balance between remembering the person and lead a meaning full life without him or
her.
Another mention worthy theory that will help us to understand the perspective of Sparks
that is love and grief are two sides of a coin includes the Bowlby’s attachment theory (Williams
et al. 2018). The mentioned theory states that a child would form single primary attachment
known as monotropy. This attachment figure acts as a secure figure to the child for exploring the
world. The attachment relationship is prototype for all future social relationships that are so
disrupting that it possess the potential to cause severe consequences.
Assessment of Bowlby’s attachment theory
In the following paragraph assessment of Bowlby’s attachment theory has been done. the
term attachment can be defined as a deep as well as enduring emotional bond which possess the
potential to connect one individual with another one across time and space. Attachment theory in
psychology starts with the seminal work of John Bowlby (1958). the experience gained by
Bowlby while working with emotionally disturbed children led him to the believe that a child
relationship with his or her mother on the basis of emotional, social and cognitive development
bears high importance. More specifically, early separation from mother possess direct connection
with maladjustment. According to the attachment theory, attachment can understood within an
evolutionary connect where the care giver provide a safe and secure life for the infant.
Attachment is adaptive since it possess the potential to enhance the chance of survival of an
infant (Gonzalez and Bell 2016).

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The theory has identified four different types of attachment classifications within children
namely, secure attachment, anxious ambivalent attachment, anxious avoidant attachment and
disorganized attachment. Secure attachment takes place when a children feel they possess the
potential to rely on their care giver givers for attending their meeds of proximity emotional
support as well as protection.
The Bowlby theory implies that the bonds formed by the children with their caregiver can
have huge impact on their life that includes their concept of attachment and their level of grief.
From the combination of attachment theory and the numerous clinical case studies it can be said
that loss, grief and mourning that remains the deepest and the most comprehensive level of
human psychology (Boerner et al. 2017). The sense of attachment becomes strong if that begins
in the early childhood. Grief is generated as a response of enormous level of loss that creates the
sense of detachment as well. The reaction to loss defers depending on the attitude and
behavioural pattern of the individual to adapt to loss and respond in a changed situation. The
sense of grief that may not follow the prearranged sequence of stages, however the failing to
grief can be an instant sign of resilience and positive emotion. Avoidance and suppression on the
other hand are to major adapt to loss strategy used by individual (Heard 2018). Avoidance and
suppression are usually not found in children. It is a more adult psychological adaptation
technique or unconscious perceptual development. In both adult and children the grief can be
either normal grief or complicated prolonged grief. The complicated prolonged grief is found as
a result of unresolved loss or trauma (Shear and Bloom 2017).
Assessment of psychodynamic, person centred and cognitive behavioural therapy

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Psychodynamic therapy refers to the psychological interpretation of mental as well as
emotional processes. This approach draws from object relations, self psychology and ego
psychology. Psychodynamic therapy is generally used for treating patients suffering from grief
and disorder. Complicated grief can be defined as a pathological grieving process which requires
attention. According to the Psychodynamic theory, the grief as well as mourning can be
considered as a multifaceted issue which influenced by the nature of loss, the coping strategy of
the individual, meaning of loss as well as the social construction of death. There exist three chief
themes of contemporary as well as classical psychodynamic theories of therapy. The
unconscious experience of an individual who is grieved following a major loss is considered to
be the central approach of the Psychodynamic therapy since it addresses drive, deference as well
as conflict. The bereaved self as well as other focused schema are considered under the object
relation paradigm. The therapy encourages the involvement of the bereaved with the diseased
(Duffy and Wild 2017).
When it comes to the person centred therapy, this approach chiefly focused on the specific
needs of the clients and the goal of the therapy is to eradicate the psychological issues faced by
the patients. Considering the fact the reaction to grief is different in different individuals and
taking a person centric care can reduce the time taken by an individual to come out of grief,
person centric care to grief is one of the most opted approaches. In this approach, the role of the
councillor includes unblocking as well as accelerating the natural healing process, particularly
when the process is working slowly than what is expected or in case the reaction to the bereaved
person to the loss is severe. The two most popular model that is used in the person centric
approach include dual process as well as the task based model of Worde. both the mentioned
model focuses on including a prominent role for meaning making as well as meaning

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reconstruction in the adaptation to loss. In a person centric care, the counsellors chiefly recognize
the conditions and then find a balance between normalizing extreme reaction to loss. They focus
on the uniqueness of the human experience and emphasize on the actualizing tendency. This
theory also focuses on approach that follows the agenda of the client and with facilitates an
individual as well as diverse process. Along with it a non directive style that promotes self
reliance as well as mastery of bereavement tasks is also focused on.
The cognitive behavioural therapy refers to a short term therapy technique that possess the
potential to help individuals suffering from behavioural issues to find new ways for behaving
with the help of changing their thought patterns. it also focuses on their present day challenges
behaviours as well as thoughts. The goal of the Cognitive Behavioural therapy is for helping the
individual grief settle the death of their near one that includes providing them permission for
grieving while guiding as well as providing them with support as they build on a new life for
themselves. majority of the individuals who opted for behavioural therapy to deal with the
bereavement cued due to loss of their love one needs to have the capacity to develop the capacity
of narrating their story, express their thoughts as well as feelings, attempt for making sense of
what have happened as well as build a new life for themselves. The CBT strategies that are
generally used to helped the bereaved includes
 establishing a simple routine
 increasing events that are pleasant to the bereave
 promoting self care activities like exercise, regular checkups and limited intake of alcohol
 providing information about grief and what exactly is to be expected and
compartmentalizing worries by listing thins that are worrying

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Discussion on integration of models
For a counsellor identification of the level of grief is very essential. For this, the
counsellor needs to tack with the person with empathy and sensible responses so that the person
who are suffering from loss and grief can open up about the pain and symptoms of grief he or
she is currently facing. For simple grief the integrate model suggest the four tasks of mounting
techniques namely accepting the reality of what has been lost, work through the pain of losing
someone, adjusting the life accordingly that can minimize the dependability on the lost and
maintain he connection with the loss while taking it as an unchangeable fact of the life (Boerner
et al. 2017). To control or resolve the behavioural issue the counsellor should suggest the person
to change his or her regular life routine while maintaining the changed routine for lifetime. It will
help the person to avoid the situation where he or she could feel the absence of the deceased
person repeatedly.
On the other hand, handling complex and prolonged grief can become very difficult of a
counsellor. Changing the regular life routine of the person in way so that he or she can be
involved in multiple interpersonal communications is essential. The aim of the counsellor in this
case should be developing the trust of the person suffering from complex grief towards the others
(Jacobs 2016). Family counselling can be also very helpful in this case where the counsellor can
make the family member aware of the potential risks and make them aware of how the family
members can support the persons to accept the changes in his or her life through experiencing a
peaceful, joyful and supportive environment (Sawyer 2019).
Conclusion

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From the above discussion, it can be clearly understood that love and grief are two sides
of a coin and one cannot be gained without experiencing the other. The bond that two individuals
possess with each other determines the mental stress an individual will go through after losing
his beloved one. good number of theories and approaches are there in psychology that possess
the potential to help people deal with the grief attained from the loss of loved one. three major
theories associated with grief that is the Kubler Ross five stages of grief Silverman & Klass
theory of grief, William Worden grief theory and Bowlby’s attachment theory has been
discussed. It can be concluded that adequate knowledge of the phycolgists are required to
effectively help the clients suffering from the pain of loss of love in a rapid way.

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