Technical ENG 310: Week 9 Assignment on Revision Techniques

This assignment, completed by Ifeoma Quarshie for Technical ENG 310, analyzes various revision techniques to improve writing quality. The paper focuses on three original sentences, each followed by a revised version. The first technique discussed is avoiding noun stacks, where long strings of nouns are unpacked into multiple phrases and clauses. The second technique involves eliminating expletives and redundant phrasing to enhance conciseness. The third technique, sentence-level revision, ensures grammatical correctness. The assignment demonstrates how to improve sentence structure, eliminate wordiness, and enhance clarity, providing a practical guide to effective revision.

Running head: REVISION
Ifeoma Quarshie
Technical ENG 310 Week 9
Revision Techniques
Professor Kaydee Phillips
March 8th, 2020

1REVISION
Original: There are numerous ways in which the employees of the organization can be
motivated and benefited as well, but one amongst all of them may attract more employees for the
organization and that is monetary incentives.
Revised: The primary need of the employees in an organisation is related to the financial
stability and support for which all of them work hard and feel motivated.
Original: The operational requirements of the business organizations, have increased, which
means that the need for hiring new employees have increased as well. But these organizations
have to work hard to retain the employees as well.
Revised: The employees of an organistion are the most valuable assets therefore they need to
manage them in such a way so that they feel connected with their organisation and do not leave.
Original: While an employee is rewarded with incentives, they receives a recognition in the
origination as well.
Revised: The employees are rewarded with incentives which is mainly the monetary reward
system to keep the human resource motivated. This is not only limited and skills to the effort but
also their previous knowledge of the subject.
Techniques.
One of the techniques used in the first sentence is avoiding noun stacks. The sentence has
long, piled up of strings. There was need to unpack and unstack the long noun strings into
multiple phrases, verbs and clauses. After the revision, one realises that long stringed nouns have
been broken apart. The other technique is elimination of expletives. In other words, elimination
of words that have no meaning like ‘there is.’ The new version is superior since a lot of
unnecessary noun stacks have been eliminated.

2REVISION
In the second sentence, redundant phrasing is a technique that has been used to bring
soundness in the sentence. This has been done by simply removing redundant phrases especially
the wordy set phrases like ‘which means that.’ The other technique is considering sentence
structures. It is important to look at the original sentence and revise in consideration of whether
the sentence should be simple, compound, complex or compound complex. The new version is
superior since it contains less wordy phrases.
Lastly, sentence level revision has been used to revise the last sentence. This is done to
ensure that the sentence remain grammatically correct. For example, using the word ‘receives’
for the plural noun instead of ‘receive.’ The new version is superior since it sounds more
grammatically correct.