Boosting Your Emotional Intelligence: How to Develop Strong Relationships and Manage Difficult Situations
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This article provides insights and tips on how to boost your emotional intelligence, develop strong relationships, and effectively manage difficult situations. It covers topics such as recognizing and regulating emotions, improving self-awareness, and enhancing empathy and social skills.
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By the
Mind Tools
Content Team
By the Mind Tools Content Team
How Emotionally Intelligent
Are You?
Boosting Your People Skills
We all know people who are in full control of their
emotions. They're calm in a crisis, and they make decis
sensitively, however stressful the situation.
We also know people who can read the emotions of others. They understand what to
make people feel better, and they know how to inspire them to take action.
People like this have high emotional intelligence (or EI). They have strong relationshi
they manage difficult situations calmly and effectively. They're also likely to be resilie
face of adversity.
So, how emotionally intelligent are you, and how can you develop further? Find out b
How Emotionally Intelligent Are You?
Instructions
Evaluate each statement as you actually are, rather than as you think you should be.
you've finished, click "Calculate My Total," and use the table that follows to think abo
steps.
15 Statements to Answer Not at AllRarelySometimesOften Very
Often
I can recognize my emotions as I experience them.
1
I lose my temper when I feel frustrated.
2
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(549)
By the
Mind Tools
Content Team
By the Mind Tools Content Team
How Emotionally Intelligent
Are You?
Boosting Your People Skills
We all know people who are in full control of their
emotions. They're calm in a crisis, and they make decis
sensitively, however stressful the situation.
We also know people who can read the emotions of others. They understand what to
make people feel better, and they know how to inspire them to take action.
People like this have high emotional intelligence (or EI). They have strong relationshi
they manage difficult situations calmly and effectively. They're also likely to be resilie
face of adversity.
So, how emotionally intelligent are you, and how can you develop further? Find out b
How Emotionally Intelligent Are You?
Instructions
Evaluate each statement as you actually are, rather than as you think you should be.
you've finished, click "Calculate My Total," and use the table that follows to think abo
steps.
15 Statements to Answer Not at AllRarelySometimesOften Very
Often
I can recognize my emotions as I experience them.
1
I lose my temper when I feel frustrated.
2
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Calculate My Total Total = 50
15 Statements to Answer Not at AllRarelySometimesOften Very
Often
Score Interpretation
ScoreComment
People have told me that I'm a good listener.
3
I know how to calm myself down when I feel anxious
or upset.
4
I enjoy organizing groups.
5
I find it hard to focus on something over the long
term.
6
I find it difficult to move on when I feel frustrated or
unhappy.
7
I know my strengths and weaknesses.
8
I avoid conflict and negotiations.
9
I feel that I don't enjoy my work.
10
I ask people for feedback on what I do well, and
how I can improve.
11
I set long-term goals, and review my progress
regularly.
12
I find it difficult to read other people's emotions.
13
I struggle to build rapport with others.
14
I use active listening skills when people speak to
me.
15
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15 Statements to Answer Not at AllRarelySometimesOften Very
Often
Score Interpretation
ScoreComment
People have told me that I'm a good listener.
3
I know how to calm myself down when I feel anxious
or upset.
4
I enjoy organizing groups.
5
I find it hard to focus on something over the long
term.
6
I find it difficult to move on when I feel frustrated or
unhappy.
7
I know my strengths and weaknesses.
8
I avoid conflict and negotiations.
9
I feel that I don't enjoy my work.
10
I ask people for feedback on what I do well, and
how I can improve.
11
I set long-term goals, and review my progress
regularly.
12
I find it difficult to read other people's emotions.
13
I struggle to build rapport with others.
14
I use active listening skills when people speak to
me.
15
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ScoreComment
15-34 You need to work on your emotional intelligence. You may find that you feel overwhelmed
emotions, especially in stressful situations; or, you may avoid conflict because you think th
find it distressing.
It's likely, too, that you find it hard to calm down after you've felt upset, and you may strug
build strong working relationships.
Don't worry – there are plenty of ways that you can build emotional intelligence, starting no
Read our tips below to find out more.
35-
55
Your emotional intelligence level is... OK.
You probably have good relationships with some of your colleagues, but others may be mo
difficult to work with.
The good news is that you have a great opportunity to improve your working relationships
significantly. Read more below to boost your EI still further.
56-75Great! You're an emotionally intelligent person. You have great relationships, and you prob
find that people approach you for advice.
However, when so many people admire your people skills, it's easy to lose sight of your ow
needs. Read our tips below to find out how you can continue to build your EI.
Researchers have found that emotionally intelligent people often have great leadership p
Realize this potential by seeking opportunities to improve even further.
Characteristics of Emotional Intelligence
Psychologist Daniel Goleman identified five elements that make up emotional intell
These are:
1. Self-awareness.
2. Self-regulation.
3. Motivation.
4. Empathy.
5. Social skills.
Terms reproduced by permission of Bloomsbury Press.
You are viewing 1 of 3 free articles Try our Club for just $1
15-34 You need to work on your emotional intelligence. You may find that you feel overwhelmed
emotions, especially in stressful situations; or, you may avoid conflict because you think th
find it distressing.
It's likely, too, that you find it hard to calm down after you've felt upset, and you may strug
build strong working relationships.
Don't worry – there are plenty of ways that you can build emotional intelligence, starting no
Read our tips below to find out more.
35-
55
Your emotional intelligence level is... OK.
You probably have good relationships with some of your colleagues, but others may be mo
difficult to work with.
The good news is that you have a great opportunity to improve your working relationships
significantly. Read more below to boost your EI still further.
56-75Great! You're an emotionally intelligent person. You have great relationships, and you prob
find that people approach you for advice.
However, when so many people admire your people skills, it's easy to lose sight of your ow
needs. Read our tips below to find out how you can continue to build your EI.
Researchers have found that emotionally intelligent people often have great leadership p
Realize this potential by seeking opportunities to improve even further.
Characteristics of Emotional Intelligence
Psychologist Daniel Goleman identified five elements that make up emotional intell
These are:
1. Self-awareness.
2. Self-regulation.
3. Motivation.
4. Empathy.
5. Social skills.
Terms reproduced by permission of Bloomsbury Press.
You are viewing 1 of 3 free articles Try our Club for just $1
Let’s look at how you can develop good skills in each area.
Self-Awareness
(Questions 1, 8, 11)
Your score is 11 out of 15
In his 1995 book "Emotional Intelligence: Why it can Matter More Than IQ," Go
explained that people with high self-awareness are "aware of their moods as they are
them."
To increase self-awareness , learn about mindfulness . This involves focusing on the
present moment – including how you're feeling. And keep a journal in which you write
about and analyze the emotional situations you experience from day to day.
You also need to understand your strengths and weaknesses to build self-awareness.
personal SWOT analysis , and ask for feedback from your boss, friends, and trusted
colleagues to find out how you can improve further.
Self-Regulation
(Questions 2, 4, 7)
Your score is 10 out of 15
Self-regulation is about staying in control. To develop your skills in this area, learn ho
manage your emotions effectively.
If you often get angry , note what triggers this feeling, and think about why this happe
Use techniques such as deep breathing to calm yourself down, and give yourself time to
pause before you respond to emails or requests, so that you don't say something tha
later regret. (See our article on anger management to learn more about this.)
You may also be affected by other negative feelings and emotions, such as anxiety and
stress . So, do what you can to manage these feelings effectively.
Accountability is another important element of self-regulation. Take responsibility fo
actions and behaviors, and make sure that these align with your values .
Motivation
(Questions 6, 10, 12)
Your score is 13 out of 15
Self-motivation is strongly affected by your emotions. When you're distracted by you
emotions, you may find it hard to see tasks through.
You are viewing 1 of 3 free articles Try our Club for just $1
Self-Awareness
(Questions 1, 8, 11)
Your score is 11 out of 15
In his 1995 book "Emotional Intelligence: Why it can Matter More Than IQ," Go
explained that people with high self-awareness are "aware of their moods as they are
them."
To increase self-awareness , learn about mindfulness . This involves focusing on the
present moment – including how you're feeling. And keep a journal in which you write
about and analyze the emotional situations you experience from day to day.
You also need to understand your strengths and weaknesses to build self-awareness.
personal SWOT analysis , and ask for feedback from your boss, friends, and trusted
colleagues to find out how you can improve further.
Self-Regulation
(Questions 2, 4, 7)
Your score is 10 out of 15
Self-regulation is about staying in control. To develop your skills in this area, learn ho
manage your emotions effectively.
If you often get angry , note what triggers this feeling, and think about why this happe
Use techniques such as deep breathing to calm yourself down, and give yourself time to
pause before you respond to emails or requests, so that you don't say something tha
later regret. (See our article on anger management to learn more about this.)
You may also be affected by other negative feelings and emotions, such as anxiety and
stress . So, do what you can to manage these feelings effectively.
Accountability is another important element of self-regulation. Take responsibility fo
actions and behaviors, and make sure that these align with your values .
Motivation
(Questions 6, 10, 12)
Your score is 13 out of 15
Self-motivation is strongly affected by your emotions. When you're distracted by you
emotions, you may find it hard to see tasks through.
You are viewing 1 of 3 free articles Try our Club for just $1
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Boost your motivation levels by developing self-discipline , and by looking for and
celebrating small wins – simple jobs that, when you've completed them, give you a se
of achievement.
Also, set yourself longer-term goals . When you decide what you want to achieve, you'll
focus on what really matters to you. This can be highly motivating, especially when y
connect personal goals with career-related ones.
If you're still struggling to get motivated in your current role, take some time to redi
your purpose .
Empathy
(Questions 3, 13, 15)
Your score is 9 out of 15
Empathy is the ability to recognize other people's emotions and understand their
perspectives. Goleman calls this aspect of EI "the fundamental people skill."
To develop empathy , start by simply thinking about other people's viewpoints. Imagin
how they may be feeling, and use active listening skills to understand them fully when
they express their emotions to you.
Try not to interrupt or talk about your own feelings during the conversation. Look at
their body language , too: it can tell you a lot about their emotions. If you watch and li
to others, you'll quickly become attuned to how they feel. (The Perceptual Position
technique can give you a particularly sharp insight into what other people may be th
and feeling.)
Tip:
If you're a leader, read our article "What's Empathy Got to do With it?" for tips on usi
empathy in leadership.
Social Skills
(Questions 5, 9, 14)
Your score is 7 out of 15
Even if you're not a natural "people person," it is possible to develop better social ski
Start by taking our quiz to see which communication skills you need to improve on. Th
find out how you can develop trust and rapport with people – this is an essential part o
building good working relationships .
You are viewing 1 of 3 free articles Try our Club for just $1
celebrating small wins – simple jobs that, when you've completed them, give you a se
of achievement.
Also, set yourself longer-term goals . When you decide what you want to achieve, you'll
focus on what really matters to you. This can be highly motivating, especially when y
connect personal goals with career-related ones.
If you're still struggling to get motivated in your current role, take some time to redi
your purpose .
Empathy
(Questions 3, 13, 15)
Your score is 9 out of 15
Empathy is the ability to recognize other people's emotions and understand their
perspectives. Goleman calls this aspect of EI "the fundamental people skill."
To develop empathy , start by simply thinking about other people's viewpoints. Imagin
how they may be feeling, and use active listening skills to understand them fully when
they express their emotions to you.
Try not to interrupt or talk about your own feelings during the conversation. Look at
their body language , too: it can tell you a lot about their emotions. If you watch and li
to others, you'll quickly become attuned to how they feel. (The Perceptual Position
technique can give you a particularly sharp insight into what other people may be th
and feeling.)
Tip:
If you're a leader, read our article "What's Empathy Got to do With it?" for tips on usi
empathy in leadership.
Social Skills
(Questions 5, 9, 14)
Your score is 7 out of 15
Even if you're not a natural "people person," it is possible to develop better social ski
Start by taking our quiz to see which communication skills you need to improve on. Th
find out how you can develop trust and rapport with people – this is an essential part o
building good working relationships .
You are viewing 1 of 3 free articles Try our Club for just $1
Don't shy away from negative situations, either. Learn how to deal with conflict and other
difficult situations effectively.
If you're uncomfortable with social situations, work on building self-confidence . Start
slowly, but then look for opportunities to practice your skills with bigger groups. For
example, you could offer to attend conferences on behalf of your team.
Key Points
Developing high emotional intelligence (or EI) is incredibly important for a successful
When we have high levels of emotional intelligence, we're able to build strong workin
relationships and manage difficult situations more effectively.
Influential psychologist Daniel Goleman developed a framework of five elements that
emotional intelligence:
1. Self-awareness.
2. Self-regulation.
3. Motivation.
4. Empathy.
5. Social skills.
Even if you already have many of the elements of emotional intelligence, it's importa
look for opportunities to build it further. This will increase your leadership potential, a
improve the quality of your relationships.
(For more detail, see our full emotional intelligence article and video and take a look at
our infographic, below. Mind Tools Premium Club members and corporate users can a
access our exclusive Expert Interview podcast with Daniel Goleman, here.)
Infographic
Click on the image below to see Goleman’s theory represented in an infographic:
You are viewing 1 of 3 free articles Try our Club for just $1
difficult situations effectively.
If you're uncomfortable with social situations, work on building self-confidence . Start
slowly, but then look for opportunities to practice your skills with bigger groups. For
example, you could offer to attend conferences on behalf of your team.
Key Points
Developing high emotional intelligence (or EI) is incredibly important for a successful
When we have high levels of emotional intelligence, we're able to build strong workin
relationships and manage difficult situations more effectively.
Influential psychologist Daniel Goleman developed a framework of five elements that
emotional intelligence:
1. Self-awareness.
2. Self-regulation.
3. Motivation.
4. Empathy.
5. Social skills.
Even if you already have many of the elements of emotional intelligence, it's importa
look for opportunities to build it further. This will increase your leadership potential, a
improve the quality of your relationships.
(For more detail, see our full emotional intelligence article and video and take a look at
our infographic, below. Mind Tools Premium Club members and corporate users can a
access our exclusive Expert Interview podcast with Daniel Goleman, here.)
Infographic
Click on the image below to see Goleman’s theory represented in an infographic:
You are viewing 1 of 3 free articles Try our Club for just $1
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shelly529 2019-03-27 19:38:15
Great tool
sw75489 2019-03-27 08:28:00
Non Member 2019-03-25 07:04:08
very informative
CMcNeish 2019-03-22 17:18:10
I enjoyed finding out more about my Emotional Intelligence. Learning is growing and improving
in all walks of life!
Non Member 2019-03-15 06:08:07
23…110
Join the Mind Tools Club Sign up for our FREE newsletter
1
You are viewing 1 of 3 free articles Try our Club for just $1
Click here for permissions informatio
shelly529 2019-03-27 19:38:15
Great tool
sw75489 2019-03-27 08:28:00
Non Member 2019-03-25 07:04:08
very informative
CMcNeish 2019-03-22 17:18:10
I enjoyed finding out more about my Emotional Intelligence. Learning is growing and improving
in all walks of life!
Non Member 2019-03-15 06:08:07
23…110
Join the Mind Tools Club Sign up for our FREE newsletter
1
You are viewing 1 of 3 free articles Try our Club for just $1
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