Understanding the Different Stages of Friendship


Added on  2019-09-16

26 Pages16024 Words216 Views
TREVORINT:Ok, so erm, so you’ve got the majority of the information anyway, I meanprimarily the most important thing really is that erm obviously you can withdrawat any time from the study, apart from when it goes on to the internet.TRE:It’s too late then yeah.INT:Yes. TRE:You’re in trouble if you change your mind then [laughs]. INT:Exactly [laughs]. But up until that point, and we will sort of tell you when thatpoint’s gunna be.TRE:It’s alright I just won’t watch my bit [laughs].INT:Yeah, yeah, I don’t think I’m gunna watch mine [laughs]. Erm but yeah just to letyou know that you can withdraw at any point, and even during today if you don’tfeel comfortable with any of the questions obviously you can just say, that’s fine,but hopefully there’s nothing too invasive, probing or anything so. TRE:Ok, yeah. INT:Do you want a drink of water or anything?TRE:Er no I’m ok thank you. INT:Are you alright? Erm and did Alasdair kind of tell you a bit about the study?TRE:He told me it was er for education, for some kind of education thing or, aboutteaching and helping teachers er understand.INT:Yeah, yeah basically there’s not, there’s not that many teaching erm sort ofmaterials for looking at qualitative research and it’s quite undervalued inundergraduate er teaching, you know in undergraduate modules to do withpsychology I think it’s becoming more and more popular, erm so that’s whyAlasdair set this up really just to have a good kind of teaching erm sort of materialyou can use to teach people how to do qualitative research and how to dointerviewing, erm yeah different types of interviewing and stuff so, er yeah that’spretty much what it’s about, yeah and that’s why it’s gunna be made availableonline so it can be used by everybody, erm and then there’s gunna be a book aswell, I don’t know if you’ve heard about that?TRE:Erm he said something about a book or something, Alasdair’s like one of my erlecturers so he mentions stuff, but Alasdair’s (inaudible) [laughs], so he mentionssomething and you’re trying to ...1112345678910111213141516171819202122232425262728293031322
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TREVORINT:Yeah you’re writing and you’re yeah trying to focus ...TRE:And then he goes off on a tangent and you’re like hang on what am I trying to payattention to.INT:Yeah I mean really what the book’s about is er, it’s, it’s based on these interviewserm and then each individual person’s gunna write a chapter about differentqualitative research methodologies, so Grounded Theory, erm InterpretativePhenomenological Analysis, Discourse, erm and then each, sort of each individualwrites a chapter about different, so it’s basically a good kind of methodologicalhandbook on how to carry out different sorts of qualitative research, so it’s gunnabe used for that as well which is gunna be used for undergraduate researchmethods as well, so that’s what it’s about really, yeah. Ok, so I need to close thiswindow cos I think it might be slightly noisy, it’s not too bad we’ve just got amassive waste truck who’s stopped outside.TRE:All good timing. INT:Yeah, all good timing, I think it’s quite quiet at the moment there’s no studentsaround, has everyone gone home pretty much? TRE:Erm we had our exams at the beginning of May so we’ve all finished now so ...INT:Right, so it’s about home time isn’t it, but you’re obviously from Liverpool? TRE:Yeah [INT: yeah] I live near, I live by the ((LOCAL PLACE)) [INT: oh right, ok,nice], so er it’s not too far for me to get to [INT: mm], I’m originally from hereso...INT:Right so it’s not too far for you to travel?TRE:No.INT:So you don’t have to go home anywhere, cos you’re already here. TRE:No, no. This is home [laughs], around the city centre so.INT:Oh brilliant. Ok well like I said erm, yeah basically you know any questions orany, any, anything you wanna kind of you know say, or if you want a break oranything just tell me in the interview and we can stop the recording andeverything so that’s fine. TRE:Ok.INT:Does that sound alright?23333435363738394041424344454647484950515253545556575859606162634
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TREVORTRE:Yeah that’s great thank you. INT:Ok, so as you know this project is about friendship, erm I want you to think aboutone of your friends erm and can you tell me how you became friends with thisperson. TRE: Er I’ll use one that’s probably my er best friend I suppose, I was er, I was workingas a fitness instructor for the council and he was a, he was a customer, he used tocome in like every day, so we just er, this is about, this is about twelve years ago,and then er we just got to know each other and like he came on like a few of thestaff nights out and then er we’re still friend now and that, although I’m not afitness instructor cos I got ill and you know, you know, but we just stayed friends,so we’re still really good friends, although he lives in Runcorn now and I still livein Liverpool, we always talk to each other on the phone and see each other likeonce a month, twice a month for a night out or ...INT:Ok, and does he tend to go over to Liverpool or do you tend to go to Runcorn?TRE:Er if we go for a night out he tends to come over here and he’ll stay in mine, butbecause he lives like in the middle of nowhere we tend to go over and it’ll be likehouse party or a barbeque so we’ll stay over there, but if we’re having a night outhe’ll come over here cos he prefers like Liverpool cos it’s where we always usedto go out when we were younger anyway. INT:A bit more going on in Liverpool as well, yeah.TRE:Yeah, yeah. I think it brings back all them memories from when we were youngand mad as well and had hair [laughs].INT:So that’s quite a nice variation as well I guess isn’t it [TRE: yeah], so you’ve gotkind of your place over here where you can have a bit more of a party and then hisplace in the middle of nowhere but you can still have like mates around.TRE:Go round play on his Wii and stuff [INT: yeah] and barbeque, and yeah it’s nice,it’s a good friendship, it’s good to have a friend you know that you can alwaysturn to, and I think you know if he picks up the phone like ‘come round’ youknow, I’ll be there and like it’s vice versa so I’m lucky in that sense to have youknow a best friend like Tom so, that’s why he springs to mind cos it’s more like abrother relationship than a friendship I suppose, like you know when you get thatreally close friend and you know what each other’s things and stuff, you know.INT:And does that differ then from your other friendships that you’ve got?356465666768697071727374757677787980818283848586878889909192939495966
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TREVORTRE:Er I’ve got, I’ve got lots of friends, but er I’d consider that I’ve got like one ortwo best friends, Tom’s probably my best friend cos he’s kind of been my bestfriend, I’m planning on getting married in 2010 so you know he’s like the bestman type of friend, and then there like other friends, you know I’ve got kind offriends that are blokes, friends that are girls that are friends and you’ll talk tothem, but you know there’s like different, and then you have like friends whereyou work as well don’t you and you know like the relationships in university andwork and just other friends but you, you know you have different types of friends,do you understand what I’m saying? INT:Yeah, different groups of friends.TRE:Yeah different relationships, some that are more like family, and some are justpeople that you go out and have a drink with and you know some like you’ll seelike on a work relationship, and, yeah. INT:Yeah. So what kind of, so you’ve been friends with Tom for twelve years [TRE:yeah], this friend, erm and what, what kind of things would you do together toyou know sort of pass the time, what kind of ...? TRE:Er play golf, er play pool, bowling [INT: mm], er like when we see each other,like we used to play, when we were younger before we both, like he’s marriednow, like I’m engaged, when we were living at home like and that we was er weused to be out like every Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and you know like we’dplay golf a couple of times a week, but once you grow up and you get othercommitments and I think things changed, I mean we still get the odd game of golf,but like work commitments, like he’s working, he runs his own business now so Imean your commitments are different so it’s hard to try and, you know you can’tjust decide ‘oh I’m gunna go and play golf a couple of time this week’ [INT:yeah] and stuff so, but like the weekends and like you sort of spent that free timewith your partner cos you haven’t seen, cos they’re working and you’re out andthat, so you don’t really feel like saying ‘oh I’m just gunna leave you for fourhours and go and play golf’.INT:Yeah, yeah you wanna spend time, time with your partner, yeah. So is that, so youfeel like the activities that you do together have changed since you’ve known eachother?TRE: They have changed, we were lucky my partner and his partner they get on reallywell, so I mean they can have like a girly night and we can go off like to the pubor something or you know, so it works quite well so, but er I think we got olderwe just like to have barbeques now, sitting around, drinking, rather than going outdancing all night and ...479798991001011021031041051061071081091101111121131141151161171181191201211221231241251261271281291301311321338
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TREVORINT:That’s age for you that isn’t it?TRE:You get older and you find it takes like three or four days to recover and it’s justlike ‘no, I don’t want a hangover!’ INT:Yeah, can’t cope with that, too much to do.TRE:Especially if you’re in work the next day or something, you’re just like ‘oh’, youjust wanna die [INT: yeah], it’s alright when you’re before twenty one and youknow you just don’t get hung-over and then you know after twenty one each yearslowly gets worse I found, either that or I’m drinking more [laughs]. INT:So would you say that things, that the activities you do together as friends nowtend to be sort of more erm relaxed [TRE: yeah] than, than, than what you used todo previously in terms of like playing golf ...?TRE:Definitely, it’s like when I was eighteen, nineteen we’d go out, just go out aboutseven o’clock at night and we’d be out till like two, three o’clock in the morning,and like I got ill so er, I’ve got M.E [INT: ok], so like I was a different personbefore so I could go out and I could be like dancing from like eight o’clock atnight till three o’clock in the morning like a fool and whereas now you know if Igo out I prefer to go to a restaurant and sit there and talk and then you know go toa club afterward and just spend a few hours there and, we like to go somewherewhere we can talk cos, I don’t know whether it’s an age thing but we didn’t talkso much when we were younger, we’d just go out and we’d stand there and have adrink and, but now, I don’t know if it’s because we don’t see each other as much,but we like to go out and catch up and talk like old men with our pints [laughs]and put the world to rights. INT:So do you think it’s then, cos it sounds like you’re saying the activities that youdo together have changed so from going kind of clubbing [TRE: yeah] andpartying and obviously seeing each other a lot more probably then to now morerelaxing and talking, do you think that erm it was your illness that, that changedthose activities or do you think it’s just the age or the circumstance or almost thelocation because you moved away from each other, do you, what, what, what doyou think had the biggest impact on ...?TRE:For me er I think things, getting ill, I lost my job, I got, I got fired from my job[INT: ok] cos I worked for the council er and then I had to come to terms withbeing, I was, I came fifth in Brittan’s Fittest Man just before I got ill so I wentfrom being fit to this, so I had to come to terms with my life again, but like I, youknow you lose a lot of friends when that happens you know the people that youtrain with, but that’s why I say Tom’s been a really good friend because you know5913413513613713813914014114214314414514614714814915015115215315415515615715815916016116216316416516616716816910
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TREVORhe, he respected what was going on and he was there to support me but he wasn’tin my face [INT: yeah], so I think you know I just had to grow and change, but Ithink age affects it [INT: yeah] as well, I think when you settle down and you’rein a relationship [INT: yeah], and you’re you know like a, you know your partnersort of becomes your best friend, like his wife will be his best friend and likeStephanie’s like, I suppose you’d say my proper best friend now cos you’re theretogether all the time, you talk and you share stuff and you know [INT: yeah]although you know you talk to your friends there’s some things you wouldn’t saythat you’d share with a partner and stuff so. INT:Yeah, ok. Erm so how, how about other friends, I mean do you do similar thingswith other friends? TRE:Er yeah I go out, it’s mainly er like go out for a meal or go for a drink round townand that, but er Tom’s the person I will sit there until four o’clock in the morningputting the world to rights [laughs], but when I go out like I tend to er still get upand make a fool out of myself and dance and, but er like some friends like youjust see like on like er at university and stuff and you know you don’t really goout for a drink with them and stuff [INT: mm] so there’s like, so that’s nice aswell, you just go for a coffee and stuff and that cos er you know it’s, it’s nice youjust you know you’re not gunna get a hangover or anything [laughs].INT:[Laughs]. You’re safe in that knowledge with coffee aren’t you [TRE: yeah,yeah]. So kind of slightly different things then you do with other friends [TRE:yeah], yeah erm so you say you’ve got different groups of friends so you’ve gotuniversity, people you’ve met at university [TRE: yeah], erm and then you’ve gotwork colleagues [TRE: yeah], erm is there any, is there anyone else in thatparticular, in the particular group of friends that you’re close to?TRE: Er ... no, I did have another best friend, but er, I’d known him for a long time, buter he started taking drugs and he changed so, like he was meant to be my, like Iwas too ill to be my friend’s best man so he was meant to be the best man and helet him down a week before the wedding and everything then we tried to be, carryon being friends with him, but he changed so much that er you know had to walkaway. INT:Oh ok, so you, he started taking drugs before, before his wedding [TRE: yeah]and then you couldn’t be his best man because of your illness [TRE: yeah, I wastoo ill, yeah], and how did he react to that? TRE:Er it was a horrible situation cos I ended up having to tell my friend that er myother friend might not be his best man and I felt worse and I was like ‘look if you61117017117217317417517617717817918018118218318418518618718818919019119219319419519619719819920020120220320420512
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