Feedback on Essay

This document provides feedback on an essay, including a summary of feedback received from the instructor and peers, as well as global and local changes to be made in the essay.

Running head: FEEDBACK ON ESSAY
FEEDBACK ON ESSAY
Student’s Name
University Name
Author note

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FEEDBACK ON ESSAY
Part 1
Summary of feedback received from instructor
According to the instructor, I have used too many facts about the marketing campaigns of
Hyundai, and its functions to reach the attention of the readers. Only one or two facts could have
been enough. The summary of the advertisement should have been briefly done. Then I should
have included my thesis statement. The introduction should have been concise and brief enough
to present the views of the essay and the thesis statement. The explanation of the humor was not
tactic according to the instructor. I should have focus more on the specific way about the ways in
which the humor was communicated by the company to its audience and viewers. This was not
present in my essay. My essay should have focused more on specific tactic of the humor such as
the dialogue of the humor, the body language, the expressions, visual and audio effects on the
humor, these tactics were limited in my essay. The details of the humor and should have been
well connected with the persuasion of audience. The essay should have been more focused on the
ad rather than the product.
Part 2
Feedback received from the peers
According to my peer A, the introduction and the thesis statement was interesting but the first
sentence of the essay could be better. According to peer A,, the most important thing is grabbing
the attention of the readers. However, A has founded my introduction excellent, but adding quote
or line could hold the attention of the reader. I was told that transitions from one paragraph to

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FEEDBACK ON ESSAY
another must be concise and smooth. About the close ups, I have focused on the features of the
product rather than its way of appealing the views (Kristanti, 2013). .
Peer B agree with peer A that I should have focused on the opening sentence and the thesis
statement. It could have been better. However, the overall say was great, so mentioned by peer b.
peer b states that my essay had been done in a rush, so proper brainstorming has not been done.
Further, I was suggested to use different ideas in simple sentences, this would help me to convey
my message.
Part 3
Global changes to be made in the essay
Considering the feedback received from my instructor and my classmates, and in my point of
view, I think that paragraph 2 of my essay had been too much focused on the features and
particulars of the products rather than the advertisement. Therefore, I would be including
information about the way in which the company appealed to its audience with the use of humor
advertisement (Bahaziq, 2016). Since it lacked specific information such as specific tactic like
body language, close up, music, facial expressions, I will be including this information in the
essay. I also think that my essay was more concentrated on the product rather than
advertisement, hence this needs to be rectified by me. Moreover, the opening statement and the
thesis statement need to be better. I think the essay needs to be enhanced by utilizing more
quotes from the references as mentioned by my classmates and the first paragraph needs to be
concise and attractive to the reader.

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FEEDBACK ON ESSAY
Part 4
Local changes to be made in the essay
It was mentioned by my classmates that the essay had been done in a rush and therefore it missed
out specific information and I think this is the reasons for the grammar errors and poor sentence
construction. Further it was instructed by my instructor that I had an incorrect citation. These are
some of the changes that I would be doing in my essay.

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References
Bahaziq, A. (2016). Cohesive Devices in Written Discourse: A Discourse Analysis of a Student's
Essay Writing. English Language Teaching, 9(7), 112-119.
Kristanti, F. W. (2013). The Students’ Perception Toward Teachers’ Written and Oral Feedback
in Writing Compositions(Doctoral dissertation, Program Studi Pendidikan Bahasa Inggris
FBS-UKSW).

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FEEDBACK ON ESSAY
Redman, P., & Maples, W. (2017). Good essay writing: a social sciences guide. Sage.
Shermis, M. D., & Burstein, J. (Eds.). (2013). Handbook of automated essay evaluation: Current
applications and new directions. Routledge.